Cindy, Oh Cindy: Gimme That Old Time Religion!

We’re aware that God is interested in saving souls, I just wasn’t aware that the souls in question were on a pair of Cindy Jacobs shoes!

On a TV program called “God Knows” (as related on the website Right Wing Watch, 9 January 2013), a woman, Cindy Jacobs, made some totally outlandish claims along the lines of the Biblical God provides – those multiplying loaves and fishes scenario. She claimed that when cooking for her children and the multitudes of young friends they brought along, her spaghetti dinners just kept on keeping on, no matter how many showed up to be fed, the spaghetti pot was always full, the food just multiplied supernaturally; oil in bottles kept being supernaturally topped up a cup at a time; the tires on her car lasted way, way, way longer than anyone could possibly explain naturally; ditto a pair of her shoes refused to wear out. Praise God!

So if I got this right, there are millions starving in the world, but God gives her His preference by keeping her spaghetti pot full; millions around the world can’t afford basic necessities, yet God sees to it she gets life-everlasting shoes. If this is supposed to be proof of God’s reality, what does this say about God’s priorities? All this would be hilarious were it not for the fact that the woman was totally articulate and absolutely sincerely believed all the bullshit she was spouting off about.

In another post (20 December 2012), she also relates how an angel (apparently without wings) rendered assistance to her when things went to hell in a hand-basket at a Venezuelan airport.

Perhaps the women is in some serious need of psychiatric help (you can judge that for yourself if you view her videos), help that God fails to provide her since her shoes and spaghetti have a higher priority for God than her sanity! By the way, I’m not making any of this up. This woman has just got to be seen to be believed! You’ll find lots of her loony religious right videos, videos by apparently Doctor Cindy Jacobs on YouTube or the Right Wing Watch website. You don’t have to watch daytime TV or see blockbuster films to be entertained. She’ll keep you totally enthralled for hours and hours with her Christian looniness.

By the way, the one issue I have, that one bone to pick with these private cable-only TV Right Wing Christian Networks, which I assume “God Knows” is an example, be it Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association or Pat Robertson of the CBN (Christian Broadcasting Network): The 700 Club, or many others, is that it’s a closed shop; it’s all in-house. They spout off their extreme right wing religious messages safe in the knowledge, totally aware in the knowledge, that they cannot be cross-examined in real time, on the spot, by those experts, journalists or interviewers whose job it is, is to be sceptically aggressive. It’s like POTUS having to ‘Meet the Press’ where the only ‘investigative journalist’ or interviewer present is his wife!

Here are just a few selected headlines from Right Wing Watch website regarding Cindy Jacobs, the TV show “God Knows” and her organization Generals International.

“God miraculously made a pair of Cindy Jacobs’ shoes last for years.”

“Cindy Jacobs remembers the time God sent an angel to help her make travel arrangements.”

“Jacobs claims to have thwarted numerous terrorist attacks.”

“Jacobs warns Obama’s ‘anti-Biblical’ policies have led to ‘floods and fires and more’.”

“How Cindy Jacobs prevented two African coups.”

“Bakker and Jacobs claim to have prophesied September 11^th attacks.”

“Jacobs: Our prayers stop terrorism.”

“Jacobs: Prayer led to the capture of Manuel Noriega.”

“Cindy Jacobs: I have the power to revive dead children.”

“Jacobs: Satan seeks to destroy God’s model for the family and install tyranny.”

“Jacobs: People will be required to get a RFID [radio-frequency identification] implant to receive health care.”

“Cindy Jacobs claims American schools had no problems before 1962.”

“Jacobs: Prophets warned Jews of the Holocaust.”

“Jacobs: Elect Right-Wing politicians…Or else.”

“Cindy Jacobs prophesies Obama ‘cover-up,’ prays for religious right leaders.”  

“FRC [Family Research Council] teams with Cindy Jacobs to target 2012 elections’.  

“Cindy Jacobs unveils election initiative to ‘remove the lie of separation of church and state’.” 

“How Cindy Jacobs reversed a hysterectomy.”

“Cindy Jacobs warns of Satan’s grip in ‘ungodly’ education system.”

“Jacobs: OWS [Occupy Wall Street] protests driven by “a power of darkness’.”

“Jacobs’ prayer warriors mobilize against Occupy Wall Street.”

“Jacobs: ‘The Response’ broke the curse of Native American cannibals.”

“[Jacobs]: We are seeing natural disasters ‘because sin has reached Biblical proportions.”

“Jacobs: Ban abortion because it curses the land.”

“Jacobs: ‘Sexual immorality’ is like putting the wrong fuel into your car.”

“Jacobs: The DC earthquake is a sign from God to share the gospel.”

“Jacobs, Benefiel to spend 40 days laying spiritual ‘siege’ to Washington DC”

“Jacobs: ‘It’s time for many Jewish people to turn to the Lord’.”

“Jacobs: ‘Everything that I said has happened’.”

“Jacobs in Alaska, announces mobilization of a half million intercessors to swing 2012 election’.”

“Jacobs: America will erect a memorial on National Mall to the ‘holocaust of the unborn’.”

“Jacobs: God is using earthquake to break Japan’s pagan idolatry.”  

“Jacobs: Birds are dying because of DADT [Don’t Ask Don’t Tell] repeal.”

“Jacobs and Pierce issue warning that CA [California] will be destroyed by earthquake if Prop 8 is struck down.”

“Cindy Jacobs: The Lord is targeting elections.”

“Cindy Jacobs prophesies a third party led by Marco Rubio.”

“[Jacobs]: ‘God is going to do something supernatural in these elections’.”

“Jacobs: ‘Filling the arsenals of God’s media army’ to stop the Islamification of Fox News.”

“Jacobs calls the ‘blood-covered justice and judgments of God’ down upon her enemies.”

“How Cindy Jacobs shut down Craigslist.”

“Cindy Jacobs repents for lesbianism, ‘girl-on-girl kissing’ and ‘gender mainstreaming’.”

“Cindy Jacobs: God’s mercy depends on how we vote in 2010.”

“Cindy Jacobs issues ‘a serious warning and a call for urgent prayer’.”

“Cindy Jacobs’ prayer warriors target Prop 8 case.”

“Jacobs: May Day 2010 saved Times Square.”

“When Cindy Jacobs caused Washington DC to flood.”

“Jacobs: ‘The Bible is the government of the people, by the people and for the people’.”

“Jacobs: If you care about the environment, you’re Dominionist.”

Zeus the Almighty!

Within all human cultures over all of recorded history, there have been literally multi-thousands and thousands of supernatural deities that have formed the heart and soul of the world’s religions. Today, most educated people can name say a dozen or so of the better known. First and foremost would be the monotheistic deity, God, Allah and related names. Within the remaining polytheistic deities, most would have heard of Thor, Apollo, Quetzalcoatl, Atlas, Gaia, Poseidon, and related. One such related is the Greek King of the [Olympian] Gods – Zeus (Jupiter to the Romans). The heavyweight champion believability fight – God vs. Zeus – is the match-up of the millennia.  

God vs. Zeus: Let’s start with a thought experiment or hypothetical question. What’s more believable, monotheism or polytheism? Well, ask yourself this, if you see a bird (singular) fly overhead, do you assume that’s a one-off mono-bird or a part of a poly-bird set? Even if you just see the one, you no doubt assume the latter. A bird does not exist in isolation. Why should deities be any different? You cannot have a species of one and only one individual. The species called ‘deity’, ditto. The species God cannot exist in isolation. Monotheism is nonsense. The species of Zeus is part of polytheism – there are many Zeus-like deities. Zeus does not exist in isolation.

God’s empire vs. the domain of Zeus is cheek-by-jowl, though the contrast couldn’t be more different. You must have some general idea what life must have been like under Zeus in the days of Homer, Plato, Socrates, Aristotle right through to Alexander the Great. Equally, you must have some notion of life under the rule of the God of Israel in Old Testament times, from Moses to Abraham to Joshua and Solomon (assuming these ‘historical’ figures were actually historical. So, given a choice, which society would you opt to live in – Ancient Greece or the lands of the Bible, the so-called Holy Lands. For me it is a no-brainer. Zeus could hurl around the lightning bolts with the best of the Sky Gods, but compared to God, God’s wrath and God’s laws, Zeus is my kind of deity – if deities there must be.

Both Zeus, king of the Greek pantheon, and God (of Israel) have human qualities, but of the two, Zeus is way more credible as something humans can identify with – if you’ve got to believe in any deity that is. God’s just plain nasty, wrathful, vain and jealous. Zeus at least has some other qualities that we can admire, like bedding down the ladies, goddesses, demigoddesses and mortals alike.

Put it this way, God is prohibition, the Salem Witch trials, the Inquisition, hellfire and brimstone and the Taliban rolled into one. God’s idea of a fun afternoon is having sinners stoned to death or burned at the stake. Zeus on the other hand is a Hugh Heffner type; Zeus is a party animal. Mount Olympus is the Playboy Mansion of Ancient Greece. Zeus too has a fun afternoon of, well, never mind. This is a family-friendly essay and displayed on a family-friendly website. 

Most people in most societies have to earn or work their way up to whatever level in whatever occupation they aspire to. And so it was with Zeus. No one handed him the Olympian throne on a silver platter. He fought like the dickens for that position. God, on the other hand, we assume always had that silver spoon in His mouth and occupied that top penthouse in Heaven from Day One.

Mount Olympus vs. Heaven (somewhere over the rainbow in Never-Never Land). Zeus and company chose to live in a readily identifiable geographic location – Mount Olympus. Any mortal tourist or worshiper could venture there and pay homage. God’s abode, on the other hand, isn’t on the map. In fact it’s totally invisible geography that’s never been verified.

We know what Zeus looked like. One of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World was a super-statue of Zeus at Olympia inside a super-temple, by the Greek sculptor Phidias. Zeus, at 42 feet high, is depicted sitting on an elaborate cedar-wood throne ornamented with ebony, ivory, gold, and precious stones - and that’s just one of many statues that existed or still exist to this day. Although the Olympia super-statue is no more, we know what it, and Zeus, looked like – records survive. No Wonder of the Ancient World is dedicated to the God of Israel – nobody has the foggiest idea what God looks like even though images of God are modelled after Zeus by those who artists who have to work with something, anything. It’s not east imaging the invisible.

Zeus is clearly supernatural – he can and does shape-shift for example into both organic and inorganic forms, usually for randy purposes. But, as you’d expect, the species or clan to which Zeus belongs also are supernatural, or at least exhibit some supernatural abilities. For example, Prometheus created humans from the ground up (without need of any rib structures for the female of the species). Poseidon can ‘wave’ his magic trident and cause the seas to boil with tempest. Hermes had his magic helmet and winged sandals. And if the Gorgon Medusa could turn someone to stone just by looking at them (the evil eye?), well that’s got to be the equal of that Pillar of Salt episode. 

Poor God of Israel, He has no parents or grandparents; no brothers of sisters; He had no childhood, no playmates; He has no wife, no lovers or a mistress; He has no children. In fact, no other of His species exists. He can’t even celebrate His birthday since He has no actual birth (not having a Mum and all). How sad. I wonder what Sigmund Freud or Carl Gustav Jung would make of that? I’m no psychoanalyst or psychiatrist, but with an upbringing (or rather lack thereof), God’s got to be a few coins short of a dollar.

Zeus on the other hand had parents (Cronus and Rhea) and grandparents (Gaia and Uranus); lots of brothers (Hades and Poseidon) and sisters (Hestia, Demeter & Hera); Zeus had a childhood spend on Crete; Zeus has a sister-wife (Hera – the last of several) and many lovers/mistresses; Zeus begat lots of brats, both legit and illegit (Hercules and Helen of Troy and a whole lot more besides), and many other species of his kind – the Olympians – exist.

One quality often quoted about as a generality has something to do with absolute power and corruption. God wields absolute power, and not always for the betterment of the human race as the Old Testament verifies in graphic and gory detail. Zeus on the other hand, while king of the gods, didn’t hold absolute power. It was shared with the other Olympians. Zeus is also way more modest, making no grandiose claims about creating life, the universe and everything. Further, Zeus doesn’t refer to himself in capital letters, unlike the LORD God. It’s hard to read the Old Testament and not come to the conclusion that God is an egomaniac.

It’s rather unlikely that Zeus would have had any bone to pick with God’s realm to the east. God, on the other hand, if He be consistent, would have had two bones to chew over with His neighbour to the west. Firstly, there be gods over there, and that’s a Big No-No to the Lord God of Israel who refers to Himself as the One-and-only-God (reference the first of the Ten Commandments).  Secondly, the realm of Zeus condoned homosexuality. Zeus himself apparently had a close encounter of the gay kind with a strapping handsome young lad by the name of Ganymede. However, God apparently adopted a live-and-let-live policy. That’s just as well since, as the Titans and the Giants found out to their cost, you don’t mess with the Olympians.

Zeus and company, as well as God share one thing in common. None have been seen or heard from in thousands of years. They’ve all vanished into thin air, or maybe into the Bermuda Triangle – who knows. Perhaps that says a lot about their reality in the first place.