The Tooth Fairy Has Greater Believability Than God

There’s a hundred times over more evidence for the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny than there is for an almighty deity, oft called God. It’s rather disquieting that there’s massive amounts of evidence for what we don’t believe in, what we know is make-believe, yet no evidence at all for the reality of what multi-millions of individuals accept without question. Something is screwy somewhere.

What’s the reality of God vs. the reality of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? Its child’s’ play really!

GOD

When it comes to deities, God (and Son) are pretty much the new kids on the block, which is really odd if you think about it if God is the one true god and has been here since, well, “In the beginning”. Polytheism has a far longer history and timeline than monotheism and even the first (and rather short lived) go at quasi-monotheism in Ancient Egypt had the Sun playing the role of Mister Big (the Aten). Religious scholars can trace the evolution of belief in deities from place to place and culture to culture and time to time. I like to think that God was created in the image of Zeus* who in turn was created in the image of even earlier deities that were worshiped by those earlier societies and so on back through the centuries, so far back in fact that one can trace unnamed fertility goddesses back into prehistoric time via artifacts that clearly had the same sort of meaning as today’s Christ-on-the-dashboard.     

SANTA CLAUS

What more can one say about Santa (or Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas or Kris Kringle) that hasn’t been stated hundreds of times before. Come Xmas time, indeed even months before Xmas, Santa and Santa’s image is everywhere. You’d have to be a hermit living in a cave somewhere out back of beyond, in Whoop-Whoop or some such place in order to escape Santa’s hype, or the hype about Santa. 

This character of originally and essentially European folklore can be traced back to the fourth century CE and can just about give God a run for the money in the longevity stakes

We all know what the modern Santa does and what products Santa is associated with and how Santa helps the shops bring in an extra buck or two or twenty. But at least Santa is an in-your-face sort of guy, not afraid to mix it with the kiddies (and should get a Victoria Cross, Medal of Honor, or similar medals for bravery above and beyond the call of duty).

On the other hand, kids don’t get to sit in God’s lap while at the shopping mall or department store. There’s no images of God on Xmas cards (or any other Xmas merchandise for that matter) so God’s pretty shy. Kiddies get no presents under the tree from God. God doesn’t stand on street corners ringing bells and collecting for charities.

THE EASTER BUNNY

The Easter Bunny (or Rabbit or Hare) that brings Easter Eggs to good little boys and girls is an ancient German tradition that predates the late 1600’s. So the Easter Bunny is certainly not a modern invention by the manufactures of chocolate in order to up the obesity rate.

The Easter Bunny is a tad more elusive than Santa though there have been occasional sightings around the Easter period of giant bipedal rabbits. Authority figures assure skeptical kiddies that the Easter Bunny is really real. Proof of that fact resides in all those Easter Bunny statues carved in and out of various kinds and brands of chocolate. Some Christians might call that idolatry; most call it tasteful, even yummy.  Then there are all those stuffed and cuddly Easter Bunny toys (more idolatry) and EB images appear on all sorts of Easter-related merchandise and goodies. So there’s lots of evidence that the Easter Bunny (or Bunnies) exist.   

On the other side of the Easter coin, God doesn’t provide yummy Easter treats; there are no cuddly stuffed God toys for young girls (and boys) to hug and snuggle up to in bed at night. God doesn’t sanction His image to be used at anytime in anyplace, far less the marketplace. IMHO I think God is ashamed of how He looks. God probably looks very old; very wrinkled; very gray and probably very naked.

THE TOOTH FAIRY

The Tooth Fairy is rooted in folklore that goes back to ancient Europe and Northern Europe (the Norse countries), spreading throughout at least primarily English speaking nations, so like Santa and the Easter Bunny, is hardly a new concept.

The Tooth Fairy is also a bit more elusive than Santa, but we have her (?) existence on record as testified by authority figures (i.e. – mom and dad) and the kids see the proof of the pudding next morning as in whatever the local exchange rate is between tooth enamel and the coinage of the realm.

God doesn’t give a royal stuff about your kid’s loose tooth and certainly isn’t going to give the kid so much as a red cent or even a wooden nickel for it.

In short, God can’t apparently be bothered to show His face and interact with humanity, especially the little children – although in retrospect, He’s perhaps showing good sense. Who really would want to interact and associate with all those hoards of noisy, screaming, drooling, smelly, foulmouthed, brats!!!

CONCLUSION

There’s no evidence for the existence of God, yet there is massive amounts of evidence for the reality of the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and especially Santa Claus. But we know that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and especially Santa Claus are fictitious or mythological and have no basis in reality. So, from all of that, what can one conclude about the existence of God? What odds there really is a bona-fide supernatural deity who can’t be bothered to show up at the shopping mall and let little I’ve-peed-in-my-pants kiddies sit is His lap? What odds there really is a bona-fide supernatural deity who can’t be bothered to show up at Easter and give those little I’ve-crapped-in-my-pants brats a colored hardboiled egg or two? What odds there really is a bona-fide supernatural deity who doesn’t seem to give a damn about all those baby teeth from those little I’ve-spewed-all-over-my-pants babes-in-the-woods; He who can’t spare a bit of Holy Change?

* However, it is far more likely that the God of the Old Testament morphed out of the various Mesopotamia gods and was in transition from the ones to the other via that first monotheistic religion, Zoroastrianism. 



An Abstract Idealized Deity

There are those philosophers who are religiously inclined who have tried to conjure up their idealized version of a deity – God for all practical purposes and have been doing so ever since Methuselah was in diapers.   However, versions of God as represented by them aren’t really the Biblical God. Rather, their God is the ideal abstraction of God or the philosophical concept of God. So any similarity between their abstractions and the attributes given God of the Old Testament is purely a matter of coincidence. No matter – either way it’s all nonsense. 

God is many different things to many different people. God is everywhere (omnipresent); God is Mother Nature; God is love; God is the creator; God is dead; God doesn’t exist; God was an ancient astronaut; God is all-knowing (omniscient); God is all-powerful (omnipotent); God works in mysterious ways; etc. Whole books have explored the issue going back, well ever since humans could think and express their ideas on paper, or carve them in stone, or whatever. However, many of these abstract and idealised and philosophical versions of God (often contradictory) usually bear no relationship to the God of the Bible, or specifically God of the Old Testament.

I’m not exactly sure what an abstract idealized concept of God is supposed to achieve, apart from being an intellectual exercise like trying to put a numerical value on angels’ chinwagging on a pinhead, but it has nothing to do with putting bums on church pews.

God is an immaterial being who doesn’t exist in space or in time. That is a common Godly attribute, but one which is absolutely nonsense*. If God creates something that’s energetic and physical (possessing energy and matter) then God has to be something that’s energetic and physical in order to do that; that being creating that which is made of matter and is running on or off energy. You can’t create something from nothing that is immaterial or create something by nothing that’s immaterial. If God is therefore a physical and energetic something, then God must exist in space and in time since all material things (matter and energy), including a material creator and a material creation, exist in space and time. If God speaks, for example, God must be physical and possess energy. 

But the Bible provides ample examples of God existing in space and time starting with the creation itself (Genesis 1 and Genesis 2). Wasn’t the creation once dated in fact to 4004 BCE? A date is a location in time! If God talked to Moses via a burning bush, then God existed in space and in time – at a specific point in space and at a specific point in time. The goes ditto for events in the Garden of Eden and ditto anywhere and at anytime the Bible recounts some event where God did something; where God strutted His stuff, like in ancient Egypt and all those events related in Exodus.

Another variation on that theme is that God is everywhere. Well, God was somewhere, not everywhere when He was having a go at Adam and Eve! If you are physical, you cannot be everywhere at the same time.

God also has to be physical since He has a physical home turf (Heaven) and sits on a physical object, a throne – so God exists in space and occupies space.

If God is physical, and possesses energy, and expends energy, and there’s no real wriggle room there, then God is subject to the Second Law of Thermodynamics – entropy. God may be eternal, God may be immortal, but God still has to refuel (i.e. – eat presumably) and by implication, God has to go to the bathroom! God also needs His sleep, or at least rest, as per that seventh day of creation.

God is unchanging is another Godly attribute some religious philosophers associate with Him. Well, if God is composed of matter and energy, if God exists in space and time, and if God is subject to entropy, then God can not be unchanging. If God rested on the seventh day, well, that’s change. In fact God didn’t do or perform the exact same operations each and every day in Genesis 1 and 2. So that too is change. In fact God changed His mind, creating animals before man in Genesis 1; man before the animals in Genesis 2. God was also willing to change His mind when it came to Sodom and Gomorrah – that’s obviously contemplating change even if S&G still got zapped. .

God is eternal is yet another philosophical given. That God is eternal is consistent with the Bible giving promise to life everlasting or life eternal. However, the concept of eternal, forever, or infinity is fraught with paradoxical dangers. Since the Universe is a finite 13.7 billion years old, that would imply that God pre-existed the Universe, which is alleged to have created all of space, time, matter and energy. Okay, that’s consistent too since if God created the Universe, God must have predated the Universe (which negates the claim that the Big Bang was the first cause that created time, space, matter and energy; there must have been a before the Big Bang). But the issue arises, if you are eternal, and thus have already existed for an infinite amount of time, then what changed in God’s circumstances to have brought about the creation of the Universe, or rather why the ‘all of a sudden’ “I think I’ll do this” when for an infinite period prior to your creation you had no plans to do this, yet you are apparently all-knowing, so presumably an eternity before you created the Universe you knew you would do so, yet bided your time and twiddled your thumbs for really no apparent logical reason. Maybe God was of that common human frame of mind: It should be done; it shall be done; it will be done - tomorrow.

Another variation on that theme is that God is timeless. If time is God’s way of preventing everything happening at once, then if you’re God, everything does happen simultaneously since by being timeless, or in a state of timelessness, there’s nothing to stop all things happening simultaneously.

God apparently is pure perfection. God doesn’t screw things up. Ha! His creation of the human species was the biggest screw-up of all time! God Himself acknowledged His screw-up with the 40 day and 40 night rain hence flood event). Even if you put the initial blame on Adam and Eve and not on (an apparently all-knowing the future) God (who knew what Adam and Eve would do before-the-fact) He still enacts miracles in order to correct His mistakes. If God had ensured an adequate supply of loaves-and-fishes in the first damn place, there wouldn’t have been any need for waving the magic miracle loaves-and-fishes wand. 

A common attribute is that God is all-knowing (omniscient) and that He knows the future. But if God knows the future, what was the point of sending Moses and Aaron to Egypt to get the (unnamed) pharaoh to “Let My People Go” when God knew perfectly well He would ultimately have to do the hard yakka Himself and kick ass. It was all wasted breath. By the by, that’s an excellent example (along with the flood of Noah and Sodom and Gomorrah) that God is anything but all-loving. Speaking of the flood, what was the point in creating all of humanity in the first place when the all-knowing God knew He was going to have to drown nearly the whole bloody lot of them a few generations on down the track! Creating humanity was just wasted effort. 

Another common trait given to God is that He is all-powerful (omnipotent). That too is nonsense. He maybe more powerful than a speeding locomotive; faster than a speeding bullet; able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, and He’s certainly up in the sky. However, there’s this paradox: can God create a rock so heavy not even He could lift it? If not, He’s not all powerful; if so He’s not all powerful. It’s a no-win situation. More relevant might be an observation, since God is physical, and presumably subject to the laws of the Universe, could God ever escape from inside a cosmic Black Hole? 

Speaking of those universal laws, one Godly attribute is that God is the creator of all physical laws, principles and relationships, but God is also a miracle worker and can override those laws, principles and relationships (God’s get out of His Black Hole jail card). In other words, God is also a miracle worker. That at least conforms to some Biblical events (like loaves-and-fishes) but it is also nonsense, or at least illogical. Miracles (if they exist) are God’s correction fluid (whiteout) – assuming God exists. If existence is affirmed on both counts that actually makes a mockery of an all-knowing, all-powerful supernatural deity since it would have been logical and preferable to have set in train the necessary conditions that would have negated the need for a later miracle. For example, don’t bother to raise the dead; rather ensure they don’t snuff it in the first place

Lastly, and this is my philosophical contribution to Godly attributes, God is naked as a newborn babe. Despite many references in the Bible of God talking to someone, Adam and Eve, Cain, Jacob, Jonah, Moses, etc. we never get an actual description of what God looks like. He speaks in a cloud or as a burning bush. All images of God, artworks, are of the human imagination. So, what did God really look like and why was He ashamed to actually show His face (something true unto this very day). Perhaps God doesn’t want to be seen because He was starkers – absolutely naked – and perhaps, assuming some mortal actually saw God, well no one dares mention the ‘emperor’ who has no clothes. If humans were made in God’s image, and God was ashamed of His nudity (as Adam and Eve were ashamed of their lack of clothing post their nibbling on a forbidden snack), then perhaps that accounts for our reluctance in most public environments to show off our birthday suits.

By the by, this is not meant to be an endorsement that a supernatural and Biblical God actually exists (IMHO He doesn’t), only that the logic of some so-called professional religious philosophers is sadly lacking by not taking into consideration texts that billions of people have and had defined as the absolute and definitive description of Godly attributes. Maybe those religious pie-in-the-sky philosophers couldn’t get a real job in the real world and had to rely on tossing around abstract concepts of godliness as well as juggling those angels and pinheads.

* For an example, here’s an incredible statement by academic philosopher Gerard J. Hughes: “Plainly, God cannot do things which are impossible for an immaterial being, such as walking, speaking, or exerting physical force on things.” [Varghese, Roy Abraham (Editor); Great Thinkers On Great Questions; Oneworld, Oxford; 1998; p.223.]

More Random Irreligious Thoughts

* Imagine the following: Destroy every religious text of any persuasion in existence; eliminate every religious institution; sack anyone involved in organised religion (or even disorganised religion); purge the name of any and every deity ever proposed, and then for good measure wipe clean the memories of every person with respect to anything and everything to do with religion in any shape, manner or form. Let’s turn the entirety of humanity into a flock of another kind, just like real sheep who presumably have no concept of all the sorts of things religions go on, and on, and on about.

Firstly, that would make for a much more peaceful planet, but that’s not my real point here. If the human race all of a sudden had no inkling of religion and associated rituals like prayer, deities, and thou shall nots, and miracles, and associated baggage - the slate wiped clean – would we invent it all over again and if so would it all be in the same old form as we know it now?

All of our religions cannot possibly be correct, but all of them could be wrong. Assuming that’s the case, could there be out there a really bona-fide god or gods – supernatural deities – with some sort of associated baggage that we have no comprehension of? Say these hypothetical supernatural entities have never made contact with Planet Earth.

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* Why is religion (and history too for that matter) so popular vis-à-vis say science or economics. Religion (and history) is told in story form and we’re natural born story tellers and recipients of say bedtime stories. Whole bookstores and libraries are filled with variations of “once upon a time” “they lived happy ever after”. There are multi-tens of thousands of movies and TV shows that play upon our need for stories. So that’s one reason. Another reason that religion is so popular is that it comes as a package deal. All the Big Questions (is there a God, your purpose, the meaning of life, free will, your soul, an afterlife, etc.) are wrapped up together in a nice box with a lovely pink ribbon. Reject religion, reject the pretty box of answers to your Big Questions, and you have to actually do some hard intellectual yakka to find out your own answers to those questions, individually, one at a time. So most take the easy road, the package deal, instead of striking out on their own, seeking their own intellectual answers come what may.

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* In May of 2013, the current Pope (as noted on the “Huffington Post”) said that atheists were okay for salvation and a place in heaven providing they had lived the sort of life that God intended. Alas, the very next day a spokesperson for the Vatican refuted that – no way can an atheist get on the good side. Well, so much for papal infallibility! It really is all so phoney – an absolute joke. 

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* Miracles (if they exist) are God’s correction fluid (whiteout) – assuming God exists. If existence is affirmed on both counts that actually makes a mockery of an all-knowing, all-powerful supernatural deity since it would have been logical and preferable to have set in train the necessary conditions that would have negated the need for a later miracle. For example, don’t bother to raise the dead; rather ensure they don’t snuff it in the first place!

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* Despite many references in the Bible of God talking to someone, Adam and Eve, Cain, Jacob, Jonah, Moses, etc. we never get an actual description of what God looks like. He speaks in a cloud or as a burning bush. All images of God, artworks, are of the human imagination. So, what did God really look like and why was He ashamed to actually show His face (something true unto this very day). Perhaps God doesn’t want to be seen because He was starkers – absolutely naked – and perhaps, assuming some mortal actually saw God, well no one dares mention the ‘emperor’ who has no clothes. If humans were made in God’s image, and God was ashamed of His nudity (as Adam and Eve were ashamed of there lack of clothing post their nibbling on a forbidden snack), then perhaps that accounts for our reluctance in most public environments to show off our birthday suits.

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* If you’re really honest about things, what’s THE most important wish list part or objective or goal or aspect of your life? Is it money? Is it power? Is it reputation? Is it winning the Nobel Prize? Is it success? Is it having the most perfect family? Is it pitching a perfect major league ballgame? Is it becoming POTUS, or perhaps Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff? Is it (fill in the blank)? No! More likely as not, your number one priority it is NOT DIEING! Well good luck with that ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen.

So, what’s the next best objective? An afterlife! Why? What’s really annoying about snuffing it is lose of consciousness. The idea that your consciousness that you spent a lifetime building up from scratch will just dissolve into grey goo to be consumed by bacteria is pretty abhorrent. If you have an afterlife, the minimum you must retain is consciousness or self-awareness. You may still be old and grey and can’t get it up; you may not have access to alcohol and tobacco and other similar addictions; you may only get TV reruns and old magazine issues to read; you favourite pizza may not be on the menu; you may even have to share your afterlife with your ex-boss, or your ex or your in-laws, others you’d rather not share anything with or be within ten miles (or kilometres) of; in short not everything will be just hunky-dory, but at least you’ll retain your consciousness for all eternity (and be bored witless even before the first several thousand years or so passes by). Is that a price you are willing to pay?

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* There are many, probably a majority of the population, who will claim to have had some sort of up close and personal experience with God, or Jesus, or angels, or some sort of supernatural entity. They will of course use that very personal experience as not only evidence, but proof that God, etc. exists. And it is extremely difficult to counter argue their conviction based on their experience. However, I too have had an intense up close and personal experience too, but one which I’m sure shows that these sort of profound spiritual experiences are some combination of wishful thinking (a desire to believe) and mental hallucinations. 

Now like many hundreds of thousands, even millions of people, I like to put out food for wild birds, especially in environmentally stressful times like winter or during a drought. Over the course of many years, I’ve had thousands of visitations – what bird is going to turn down an easy free feed? At the end of the day, there’s usually some cleanup to be done like sweeping up all the leftover birdseed husks, etc. And so it came to pass one early evening, I was waiting for two birds to finish up before I did the daily cleanup. And in due course they flew off, up over my roof. And so I went outside to start the cleanup, but there sitting on the apex of the roof were the two birds. As I looked up at them, they looked back at me, and for some inexplicable reason, I received a telepathic message from the two birds: “thanks for all the food; we’ll be back tomorrow”. And then they flew off. It was so real an experience that I just stood there stunned, in fact so moving was that experience, so bonding was that human-animal encounter that tears immediately started welling up in me.   

This was the first and only time I ever had such a vivid even spiritual feeling that remains as vivid and as spiritual now as it did seconds after the fact. But clearly I was imagining the whole thing. Birds cannot speak the human language. Telepathy doesn’t exist far less exist between birds and humans. Birds probably have no concept of being given a gift and thus no mental concept of giving thanks.

So yes, when someone says they had an up close and personal encounter with God (or equivalent), I’m sure that they are 100% sincere and a believer. But I’m equally convinced it’s a case, as was mine with the two birds, of self-deception.

Religion: Some More Random Observations

Do you have greater credibility for your personal worldview and biases, or are you taken more seriously if you invoke God, Jesus and/or the Bible in support? Perhaps you may think a wicked city like Las Vegas should be destroyed. Thumbs down, but then you say well look what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah. You’d get short shrift if you advocate executing disobedient children, until you can cite the Biblical chapter and verse which states the exact same thing. Wacky ideas get the thumbs down; Biblical wacky events that mirror those ideas – thumbs up. 

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Anybody reading the story of the crucifixion in Matthew, Mark or Luke will note that for three hours, between noon and three pm apparently, it became very dark. John doesn’t mention this, and Matthew and Mark only note the three hours of intense darkness. But Luke (23:45) notes specifically that “the sun was darkened’. That clearly implies a solar eclipse. However, there are several problems with this. The first is that the crucifixion of Jesus took place at Passover. Alas, Passover happens or is celebrated when the Moon is in its Full Moon phase (or when the Earth is between, but not quite in direct alignment with, the Sun and the Moon). A solar eclipse can only happen when the Moon is totally dark, that is when it is in its New Moon phase (when the Moon is between the Earth and the Sun). So, when the crucifixion happened, that is at Passover, the Moon was Full, not New, therefore no solar eclipse. The second problem is that the New Moon only covers the Sun causing a solar eclipse thus causing intense darkness, for a maximum just shy of eight minutes. That’s just a tad less time than Mathew, Mark and Luke allow for. The third problem is that the crucifixion happened as far as can be determined in April of 30, or 33 or 34 CE. There is no solar eclipse in Jerusalem in April in any of those months and years and is therefore irrelevant, misleading and immaterial. So, either it’s all just fiction, added in for dramatic effect, or it was a miracle (which is probably the official church line). I’d opt for the fiction myself.

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Be sure to check out Wikipedia’s entry for “List of scandals involving evangelical Christians” – very, very enlightening. Also, if you have access, read the following:

Gardner, Martin: “Prime-time preachers” (in) The New Age: Notes of a Fringe Watcher; Prometheus Books, Buffalo, New York; 1988; p.223-245.

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This is the latest Right Wing Watch Cindy Jacobs story.

“Cindy Jacobs’ five-year-old daughter can stop tornadoes.”

Apparently her trick is to shout out “I told you to be quiet in Jesus’ name!” and the tornado just goes poof.

My response: Hello, my name is Alice and I’ve gone through the looking glass into wonderland – whee!

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Speaking of the Right Wing Watch, their coverage of the extreme right wing fundamentalist religious personalities like Pat Robertson, Bryan Fischer (especially Brian Fischer), Cindy Jacobs, Glenn Beck; and dozens more, show that these individuals and the organisations they represent (like the American Family Association) are stridently anti-President Obama, and have been since Obama rose to the fore in 2008. I’ve never witnessed any American president being subjected to the vitriol and abuse that President Obama has routinely been by the religious right. Amazingly, it doesn’t seem to be a racist thing, it’s just Obama stands for everything the extreme right wing is against like gay marriage. So, Obama is the antichrist; Obama doesn’t believe in the Bible; Obama hates America; Obama isn’t even an American citizen; Obama is anti-Israel; Obama is pro-Muslim; Obama is a closet Muslim; Obama is a closet gay; Obama is America’s Lenin or Stalin; Obama hates the military; Obama is an illegitimate president; Obama should be impeached. There’s a lot more negatives, but you get the drift.

But it’s not so much about what Obama is (sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me) but what Obama’s agenda is. Obama will declare himself God; Obama wants to destroy the American economy; Obama wants to raise a black army and kill whites, especially right wing Christian whites; Obama wants gun control to disarm his enemies; Obama wants to precipitate another Civil War; Obama will turn America into an Islamic state; Obama discriminates against Christianity; Obama declares war on white America; Obama is out to destroy the family unit; and on and on and on it goes without any shred of evidence whatever.

While that might be an example of America’s freedom of speech, I wonder whether or not any of these individuals will apologise in January 2017 when Obama leaves office and nothing whatever has come to pass that even remotely confirmed these outlandish shock, horror, it’s the end of the world or at least of America, claims. My gut feeling is that there won’t be an “I’m sorry” or “I got it wrong” from anyone that’s a member of any one of the extreme right wing fundamentalist religious groups. By then they will have moved on and will be bucketing some other person.

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Why is it that a select number of those with a religious conviction feel they have a moral and ethical right to disturb and inconvenience you, at their convenience of course, in order to shove their religious worldview down your throat? The nice thing about atheists is that they don’t disturb and inconvenience you; they don’t do doorknocking!

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Ancient art works that depict ‘flying saucers’ all seemingly have a religious, especially New Testament, Jesus/Mary themed context: Why? Perhaps because the religious figures central in the artistic works aren’t supernatural but flesh-and-blood of an ‘ancient astronaut’ variety.

In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part Two

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 2

Thus the virtual Heavens and the virtual Earth were finished and all the host of them. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I have no idea what “all the host of them” means, but it sounds good.]

² And on the seventh day the Supreme Programmer ended his work which he had made and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made and then the Supreme Programmer called it a night, but before tucking in he first reread Chapter One in his textbook “How to improve Your Grammar In Six Easy Lessons”.

³ And the Supreme Programmer blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it because that in it he had rested from all his bits and bytes programming work which the Supreme Programmer endlessly debugged and made glitch free.

⁴ These are the generations of the virtual heavens and of the simulated Earth when they were created, in the day that the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth and the simulated Heavens. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: grammar still needs working on.]

⁵ And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew, for the Supreme Programmer had not programmed it to rain upon the Earth, and there was not a software-man to till the software-generated ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see, a miracle!]

⁶ But there went up a virtual mist from the virtual earth, and virtually watered the whole face of the ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: miracles are good but natural is better.]

⁷ And then the Supreme Programmer formed software-man of the simulated dust of the simulated ground, and breathed into his simulated nostrils the virtual breath of life; and man became a living soul. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: don’t try this at home kids; the best laid plans of simulated mice and software-man can go down the gurgler in untrained paws.]

⁸ And then the Supreme Programmer planted a simulated garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the software-man whom he had programmed on his computer.

⁹ And out of the ground made the Supreme Programmer to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I give up, grammar is just too damn difficult, even for me.]

¹⁰ And a virtual river went out of Eden to water the simulated garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

¹¹ The name of the first is the virtual Pishon: that is it which compassed the whole land of Havilah, where there is simulated fool’s gold. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up to throw future tree-of-knowledge seekers off the scent.]

¹² And the simulated fool’s gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I also invented mineralogy.]

¹³ And the name of the second river is the virtual Gihon: the same is it that compassed the whole land of Ethiopia. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up too.]

¹⁴ And the name of the third river is the virtual Hiddekel: that is it which goes toward the east of Assyria. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I fibbed; the real name is the Tigris.] And the fourth virtual river is the Euphrates. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one out of four ain’t too bad.]

¹⁵ And then the Supreme Programmer took the software-man, and put him into the simulated Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: since this was before there were trade unions, software-man was my virtual slave on less than minimum wage.]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer commanded the software-man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou may freely eat.

¹⁷ But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it for in the day that thou eat thereof thou shall surely die. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: speak softly but carry a big stick.]

¹⁸ And the Supreme Programmer said it is not good that the software-man should be alone so I will make him a help meet [computer jargon for software-woman] for him.

¹⁹ And out of the ground the Supreme Programmer formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the software-man who the Supreme Programmer named software-Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever software-Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I changed my previously infallible mind at this point and created software-man before the simulated beasts by overriding my earlier software that I programmed as outlined in Genesis 1. I wouldn’t want to befuddle the great unwashed with contradictions.]

²⁰ And software-Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for software-Adam there was not found a help meet [software-woman] for him.

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer caused a deep sleep to fall upon software-Adam, and he slept: and the Supreme Programmer virtually took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one could say I practiced medicine without a license, but there were no medical tribunals back when I ruled the roost.]

²² And the rib, which the Supreme Programmer had virtually taken from software-man Adam, made him a software-woman [the help meet], and brought her unto the software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: there’s more but this is a family-friendly, not an x-rated text.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: When you program software, anything goes, even creating man from dust and woman from a rib.]

²³ And software-Adam said this is now a simulated bone of my virtual bones, and simulated flesh of my virtual flesh and she shall be called software-woman, because she was taken out of software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when it comes to logic, Mr. Spock will take lessons from me.]

²⁴ Therefore shall a software-man leave his subroutine-generated software-father and his subroutine-generated software-mother [subroutines which the Supreme Programmer programmed in later as an afterthought], and shall cleave unto his software-wife and they shall be as one software-generated flesh of the simulated kind. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: parenthood doesn’t yet enter into the picture but I thought it a good time to introduce the concept.]

²⁵ And they were both virtually naked, the software-man and his software-wife, and were not ashamed because there were no software glitches to make them so.

[Supreme Programmer’s Final Note: God, are they in for a nasty virtual reality surprise! Virtual Earth and software-humanity have no idea of the programming misery I’m planning to inflict on them. But then I never claimed to be Mr. Nice Guy, just Mr. Infallible, Mr. All-Knowing, and Mr. All-Powerful. But before I get to inflicting all the simulated pain yet to come, it’s time for a martini (or twenty) and then I’ll call it a night.]

THE PROGRAMMABLE END OF THE SIMULATED BEGINNING OF THE VIRTUAL END!

In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part One

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 1

In the beginning the Supreme Programmer programmed software creating the virtual Heaven and the virtual Earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: but wait, there’s more to come!]

² And the virtual Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And so the creativity of the Supreme Programmer moved upon the face of the waters with big plans afoot.

³ And the Supreme Programmer programmed in light and there was light. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I like light. Light is good. Light is, well, enlightening]

⁴ And the Supreme Programmer saw the light, that it was a good light and that there were no software glitches and then the Supreme Programmer divided the light from the darkness. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: that division was a really neat programming trick if I do say so myself.]

⁵ And the Supreme Programmer called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I had a few too many martinis at this juncture and that’s why this reads as pure nonsense – sorry ‘bout that.]

⁷ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see my comment immediately above, but otherwise think of this as a heavenly firmament sandwich with very soggy bread.]

⁸ And the Supreme Programmer called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: the reason for the waters above the Heavenly firmament is so that Heaven will get some April showers.]

⁹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the waters under the heaven to be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and it was so and there were no software glitches.

¹⁰ And the Supreme Programmer called the dry land earth; and the gathering together of the waters the Supreme Programmer called the seas: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: due to an oversight on my part, I forgot to mention the third part of the trilogy, the atmosphere – oops – sort ‘bout that.]

¹¹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth to bring forth virtual reality grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed was of itself, upon the earth: and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I invented botany, simulated, of course.]

¹² And the virtual Earth brought forth virtual reality grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was within itself, after his kind and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only botany, but masculine botany!]

¹³ And the evening and the morning were the third day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I was pooped – wouldn’t you be?]

¹⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be lights in the firmament of the Heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’m just full of neat tricks!]

¹⁵ And let them be for lights in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the virtual Earth and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only “let there be light” but “let there be lights”. More is better, don’t you agree?]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer made two great simulated lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: damn I’m good!]

¹⁷ And the Supreme Programmer set them in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the Earth.

¹⁸ And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

¹⁹ And the evening and the morning were the fourth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁰ And the Supreme Programmer said let the waters [that were previously gathered together] bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of Heaven. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in case you though my virtual Heaven was way, way, way out there, well even the birds can routinely perch there.]

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer created great whales, and every living creature that moves, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

.

²² And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: actually that should read “fowl multiply on or over the earth.]

²³ And the evening and the morning were the fifth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let the virtual Earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping things, and beasts of the earth after his kind and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I also invented zoology, also simulated, of course, and masculine too – of course.]

²⁵ And the Supreme Programmer made the beast of the Earth after his kind and cattle after their kind, and every thing that crept upon the earth after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I do love to endlessly repeat myself.]

²⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said; let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that crept upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’ve invented masculine anthropology.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: Unfortunately, in my not so infinite wisdom, I now have screwed up, Big Time.]

²⁷ So the Supreme Programmer created a virtual man in his own image, in the image of the Supreme Programmer created he him; male and female created he them, virtually. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: Another round of too many martinis in that I made a virtual man and a virtual him when I should have said I made a virtual man and woman. I also need to improve my grammar. Sorry ‘bout that.]

²⁸ And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, and the Supreme Programmer said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moved upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when I screw up, I really screw up! Well at least I’ll be responsible for giving birth to The Greens!]

²⁹ And the Supreme Programmer said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: what I really mean here is that plants are food for plant eaters which in turn are meat for meat eaters – got that?]

³⁰ And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that crept upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see immediately above.]

³¹ And the Supreme Programmer saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good and that there were no software glitches. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

To be continued…

The AFA Is As Phoney As A Seven Dollar Bill

Let’s start by noting that the name of the organisation is the “American Family Association” (AFA). So, if in all innocence you came across the name, you’d be expecting probably a lobbyist group that lobbies on behalf of health, education, welfare, etc. issues that are of concern to the average American family.  You will not note the word God, Religion, Christianity, Church or any other word normally associated with all things Biblical in the name of the organisation. That’s misleading at best; misrepresentation at worst since in fact they are a 100% Right Wing, even extremist and fundamentalist, Christian organisation.

We note that the word “families” occurs only once in their “Philosophical Statement” and not at all in their “Action Statement” or “Statement of Faith”, whereas there are numerous references to God, Bible, Jesus, etc. So, any rational person must conclude that a more accurate phrase or name for their organisation would be “American Association for God” or “American Bible Association” or “Americans for Jesus Association” or some variation thereof. 

The following trilogy of statements is extracted directly from the AFA website:

AFA PHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENT

 

The American Family Association believes that God has communicated absolute truth to mankind, and that all people are subject to the authority of God’s Word at all times. Therefore AFA believes that a culture based on biblical truth best serves the well-being of our nation and our families, in accordance with the vision of our founding documents; and that personal transformation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the greatest agent of biblical change in any culture.

AFA ACTION STATEMENT

The American Family Association acts to:

(1) restrain evil by exposing the works of darkness;
(2) promote virtue by upholding in culture that which is right, true and good according to Scripture;
(3) convince individuals of sin and challenge them to seek Christ’s grace and forgiveness;
(4) motivate people to take a stand on cultural and moral issues at the local, state and national levels; and
(5) encourage Christians to bear witness to the love of Jesus Christ as they live their lives before the world.

AFA STATEMENT OF FAITH 

1.  We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God.

2.  We believe that there is one God, eternally existent in three persons:  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

3.  We believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of the Father, and in His personal return in power and glory.

4.  We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful people, regeneration by the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential.

5.  We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life.

6.  We believe in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost;  they that are saved unto the resurrection of life and they that are lost unto the resurrection of damnation.

7.  We believe in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now what is wrong with the above bullshit? Firstly, and obviously, they state that there is absolutely no question in their minds that there is a God (their invisible friend, but with friends like God of the Old Testament, who needs enemies). Unfortunately, the AFA provide no evidence for this claim. The exact same must apply to their Lord Jesus Christ. There’s lots of PR and hype – no evidence that the AFA could use in a court of law to so prove his reality. Also we note their trust in the absolute infallible truth of God’s word as related in the Bible (presumable in all editions and versions and languages). Unfortunately, the Bible has been shown to be, by thousands of people, including myself, as fallible as fallible can be. So, their trilogy of God, Jesus and Bible as the be-all-and-end-all of their worldview is okay by me, if they just wouldn’t endlessly ram it down the throats of everyone else. But that’s one philosophy the extreme religious right do not adopt – live and let live. They are peas in a pod with radical Islam in that they need to ram their own narrow Biblical worldview down the throats of others.

They also adopt a similar philosophy when it comes to gay (homosexual/lesbian) relationships, and positively froth at the mouth when it comes to same-sex marriage. I’m sure the extreme religious right wing, of which the AFA is a member in good standing, their members would say that what they do behind closed doors with their wife or husband is none of anybody else’s business, no correspondence need be entered into, yet it’s okay for them to be a sort of ‘Peeping Tom’ and condemn others and the lifestyle of others.  

Their prime spokesman is one Bryan Fischer. If he’s not raving on daily about the evils of homosexuality (one of the many practically frothing at the mouth over the issue), he’s really got it in for U.S. President Obama. I’m well aware that not all Americans like all American presidents all of the time, but Fischer’s public hatred of Obama is pretty much over-the-top, though I suspect that’s partly a cover for his anti-Muslim sentiments.

Here are just a very select few of the Right Wing Watch headlines that accompany stories about Bryan Fischer and the American Family Association he represents.

“Fischer: Obama is an Antichrist’.”

“Fischer: Obama is ‘filled with arrogance’, believes that he knows better than God.”

“Fischer: A full moon is when ‘Satan chooses to activate his influence and control over people’.”

“Fischer: Abortion rights will lead to terrorist attacks.”

“Obama’s Inaugural Address sends Fischer off on another anti-gay rant.”

“Fischer: Obama is trying to make gun owners seem crazy.”

“Fischer says the anti-gay right is tired of getting ‘pushed around’ and ‘backing down’ and vows to push back.”

“Fischer: We are the victims of ‘a new moral McCarthyism’.”

“Fischer: High-capacity magazines necessary to defend yourself from a posse.”

“Fischer: Anti-gay activists are now ‘the new Rosa Parks’ and victims of Jim Crow.”

“Fischer: Natural disasters are God’s spankings.”

“Fischer: Modern assault weapons the same as hunting rifles used in the American Revolution.”

“Fischer: Fiscal Cliff legislation is ‘demonic’.”

“Fischer: Sandy Hook shooting proof that America’s ‘moral capital’ has run out.”

“Fischer: God didn’t stop CT [Connecticut] school shooting because he’s a ‘gentlemen’ who doesn’t go where he’s not wanted.”

“‘Barack the destroyer’: Bryan Fischer’s grand unified theory on Obama.”

“Fischer and Beisner say that not using fossil fuels is an insult to God.”

“Fischer: Obama is intentionally trying to keep ‘as many Americans as poor as possible’.”

“Fischer: Only eyewitness testimony can determine the age of the Earth.”

“Fischer: The 9/11 terrorists were ‘agents of God’s wrath’.”

“Fischer: Obama ‘may in fact be a closeted Muslim’.”

“Fischer: If Obama is re-elected, ‘America has no future’.”

“Fischer: I am a ‘prophetic voice’ warning against the gay agenda.” 

“Fischer: The UN is ‘deliberately seeding’ Muslims throughout the southern United States.”

“Fischer: CNN is ‘what the Gay Gestapo looks like in action’.”

“Fischer: ‘Political leadership ought to be reserved for the hands of males’.”

“Fischer: ‘We cannot give one millimetre to the forces of homosexual activism’.”

“Bryan Fischer is looking at the bright side of slavery.”

“Fischer: Liberals can’t be reasoned with, they can only be defeated.” 

“Fischer warns the ‘homosexual lobby’ will soon allow celebrations of incest, paedophilia, and bestiality.”

“Fischer demands mass public executions in response to Libya attack.”

“Fischer: We want to take America back to the Book of Genesis.”

“Fischer brings on guest to explain ‘it really all stands to reason’ that few women get pregnant from rape.”

“Bryan Fischer: Todd Akin is ‘absolutely right’ [that ‘legitimate rape’ rarely results in pregnancy].”

“Fischer and Beisner praise [Paul] Ryan’s ‘Biblical view of the environment’.”

“Fischer says ex-gay mom had an obligation to God to kidnap her daughter and flee.”

“Fischer: Obama’s re-election will lead to ‘serious talk about secession’.” 

“Fischer: ‘Muslim’s are worshiping a demon’.”

“Fischer: Removal of prayer & Ten Commandments from schools responsible for CO [Colorado] shooting.”

“Fischer: It was Liberals who opposed the fight for civil rights.”

“Fischer: Obama like a ‘street thug’ who is destroying America just for the pleasure of it.”

“Fischer: Gay biological parents should be denied custody and only allowed supervised visits.”

“Fischer: Jesus’ teaching is ‘virtually the foundation of the Second Amendment’ [right to bare arms].”

“Fischer: Gays are driven by a ‘dark, venomous, demonic hatred’.” 

“Fischer: Government should mandate that everyone attend church and tax those who don’t.”

“Fischer rewrites American history so it corresponds to the Bible.”

“Fischer: Gay marriage leads to sex with animals.”

“Fischer: Liberals have been duped by Satan.”

“Fischer: Abortion, gay rights & environmentalism are the work of Satan himself.”

I’ve only highlighted a relative few of Fisher’s recent headlines, and the above only extends back to mid-2012! So, this is just the very, very tip of the Fischer iceberg. His headline rants as documented by the Right Wing Watch (People for the American Way) extend back to 2009, and that’s way in excess of a five-fold increase on the above. But you probably get the idea by now.  

In conclusion, we note from these headlines that the rants and ravings of Bryan Fischer, and of the American Family Association, have relatively little to do with the health, education and welfare of the family unit, and everything to do with promoting their own extreme Christian agenda, especially an anti-gay and anti-Obama (translated, an anti-Muslim) agenda. Fischer will spew forth hatred with a vengeance, yet he calls himself a Christian. Go figure.