In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part Two

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 2

Thus the virtual Heavens and the virtual Earth were finished and all the host of them. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I have no idea what “all the host of them” means, but it sounds good.]

² And on the seventh day the Supreme Programmer ended his work which he had made and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made and then the Supreme Programmer called it a night, but before tucking in he first reread Chapter One in his textbook “How to improve Your Grammar In Six Easy Lessons”.

³ And the Supreme Programmer blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it because that in it he had rested from all his bits and bytes programming work which the Supreme Programmer endlessly debugged and made glitch free.

⁴ These are the generations of the virtual heavens and of the simulated Earth when they were created, in the day that the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth and the simulated Heavens. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: grammar still needs working on.]

⁵ And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew, for the Supreme Programmer had not programmed it to rain upon the Earth, and there was not a software-man to till the software-generated ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see, a miracle!]

⁶ But there went up a virtual mist from the virtual earth, and virtually watered the whole face of the ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: miracles are good but natural is better.]

⁷ And then the Supreme Programmer formed software-man of the simulated dust of the simulated ground, and breathed into his simulated nostrils the virtual breath of life; and man became a living soul. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: don’t try this at home kids; the best laid plans of simulated mice and software-man can go down the gurgler in untrained paws.]

⁸ And then the Supreme Programmer planted a simulated garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the software-man whom he had programmed on his computer.

⁹ And out of the ground made the Supreme Programmer to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I give up, grammar is just too damn difficult, even for me.]

¹⁰ And a virtual river went out of Eden to water the simulated garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

¹¹ The name of the first is the virtual Pishon: that is it which compassed the whole land of Havilah, where there is simulated fool’s gold. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up to throw future tree-of-knowledge seekers off the scent.]

¹² And the simulated fool’s gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I also invented mineralogy.]

¹³ And the name of the second river is the virtual Gihon: the same is it that compassed the whole land of Ethiopia. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up too.]

¹⁴ And the name of the third river is the virtual Hiddekel: that is it which goes toward the east of Assyria. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I fibbed; the real name is the Tigris.] And the fourth virtual river is the Euphrates. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one out of four ain’t too bad.]

¹⁵ And then the Supreme Programmer took the software-man, and put him into the simulated Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: since this was before there were trade unions, software-man was my virtual slave on less than minimum wage.]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer commanded the software-man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou may freely eat.

¹⁷ But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it for in the day that thou eat thereof thou shall surely die. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: speak softly but carry a big stick.]

¹⁸ And the Supreme Programmer said it is not good that the software-man should be alone so I will make him a help meet [computer jargon for software-woman] for him.

¹⁹ And out of the ground the Supreme Programmer formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the software-man who the Supreme Programmer named software-Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever software-Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I changed my previously infallible mind at this point and created software-man before the simulated beasts by overriding my earlier software that I programmed as outlined in Genesis 1. I wouldn’t want to befuddle the great unwashed with contradictions.]

²⁰ And software-Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for software-Adam there was not found a help meet [software-woman] for him.

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer caused a deep sleep to fall upon software-Adam, and he slept: and the Supreme Programmer virtually took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one could say I practiced medicine without a license, but there were no medical tribunals back when I ruled the roost.]

²² And the rib, which the Supreme Programmer had virtually taken from software-man Adam, made him a software-woman [the help meet], and brought her unto the software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: there’s more but this is a family-friendly, not an x-rated text.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: When you program software, anything goes, even creating man from dust and woman from a rib.]

²³ And software-Adam said this is now a simulated bone of my virtual bones, and simulated flesh of my virtual flesh and she shall be called software-woman, because she was taken out of software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when it comes to logic, Mr. Spock will take lessons from me.]

²⁴ Therefore shall a software-man leave his subroutine-generated software-father and his subroutine-generated software-mother [subroutines which the Supreme Programmer programmed in later as an afterthought], and shall cleave unto his software-wife and they shall be as one software-generated flesh of the simulated kind. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: parenthood doesn’t yet enter into the picture but I thought it a good time to introduce the concept.]

²⁵ And they were both virtually naked, the software-man and his software-wife, and were not ashamed because there were no software glitches to make them so.

[Supreme Programmer’s Final Note: God, are they in for a nasty virtual reality surprise! Virtual Earth and software-humanity have no idea of the programming misery I’m planning to inflict on them. But then I never claimed to be Mr. Nice Guy, just Mr. Infallible, Mr. All-Knowing, and Mr. All-Powerful. But before I get to inflicting all the simulated pain yet to come, it’s time for a martini (or twenty) and then I’ll call it a night.]

THE PROGRAMMABLE END OF THE SIMULATED BEGINNING OF THE VIRTUAL END!

In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part One

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 1

In the beginning the Supreme Programmer programmed software creating the virtual Heaven and the virtual Earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: but wait, there’s more to come!]

² And the virtual Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And so the creativity of the Supreme Programmer moved upon the face of the waters with big plans afoot.

³ And the Supreme Programmer programmed in light and there was light. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I like light. Light is good. Light is, well, enlightening]

⁴ And the Supreme Programmer saw the light, that it was a good light and that there were no software glitches and then the Supreme Programmer divided the light from the darkness. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: that division was a really neat programming trick if I do say so myself.]

⁵ And the Supreme Programmer called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I had a few too many martinis at this juncture and that’s why this reads as pure nonsense – sorry ‘bout that.]

⁷ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see my comment immediately above, but otherwise think of this as a heavenly firmament sandwich with very soggy bread.]

⁸ And the Supreme Programmer called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: the reason for the waters above the Heavenly firmament is so that Heaven will get some April showers.]

⁹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the waters under the heaven to be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and it was so and there were no software glitches.

¹⁰ And the Supreme Programmer called the dry land earth; and the gathering together of the waters the Supreme Programmer called the seas: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: due to an oversight on my part, I forgot to mention the third part of the trilogy, the atmosphere – oops – sort ‘bout that.]

¹¹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth to bring forth virtual reality grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed was of itself, upon the earth: and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I invented botany, simulated, of course.]

¹² And the virtual Earth brought forth virtual reality grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was within itself, after his kind and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only botany, but masculine botany!]

¹³ And the evening and the morning were the third day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I was pooped – wouldn’t you be?]

¹⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be lights in the firmament of the Heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’m just full of neat tricks!]

¹⁵ And let them be for lights in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the virtual Earth and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only “let there be light” but “let there be lights”. More is better, don’t you agree?]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer made two great simulated lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: damn I’m good!]

¹⁷ And the Supreme Programmer set them in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the Earth.

¹⁸ And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

¹⁹ And the evening and the morning were the fourth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁰ And the Supreme Programmer said let the waters [that were previously gathered together] bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of Heaven. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in case you though my virtual Heaven was way, way, way out there, well even the birds can routinely perch there.]

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer created great whales, and every living creature that moves, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

.

²² And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: actually that should read “fowl multiply on or over the earth.]

²³ And the evening and the morning were the fifth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let the virtual Earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping things, and beasts of the earth after his kind and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I also invented zoology, also simulated, of course, and masculine too – of course.]

²⁵ And the Supreme Programmer made the beast of the Earth after his kind and cattle after their kind, and every thing that crept upon the earth after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I do love to endlessly repeat myself.]

²⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said; let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that crept upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’ve invented masculine anthropology.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: Unfortunately, in my not so infinite wisdom, I now have screwed up, Big Time.]

²⁷ So the Supreme Programmer created a virtual man in his own image, in the image of the Supreme Programmer created he him; male and female created he them, virtually. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: Another round of too many martinis in that I made a virtual man and a virtual him when I should have said I made a virtual man and woman. I also need to improve my grammar. Sorry ‘bout that.]

²⁸ And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, and the Supreme Programmer said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moved upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when I screw up, I really screw up! Well at least I’ll be responsible for giving birth to The Greens!]

²⁹ And the Supreme Programmer said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: what I really mean here is that plants are food for plant eaters which in turn are meat for meat eaters – got that?]

³⁰ And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that crept upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see immediately above.]

³¹ And the Supreme Programmer saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good and that there were no software glitches. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

To be continued…

The Bible: Something’s Screwy Somewhere: Part Two

Multi-millions around the world accept the Bible as the literal word of God, and as such it cannot be in error. However, an examination of Biblical texts strongly suggests, to those with open minds, that error, or as I like to phrase things “something’s screwy somewhere”, abounds.

I know I probably shouldn’t pick on God and the Bible as often as I do, but, you know, it’s so damn easy it’s like taking candy from a baby. God sure leads with His chin. Anyway, if I haven’t been struck down by lightning by now, I probably won’t be, so here goes another round. As per usual, all references are from the King James Version (KJV) of the so-called “Word of God”.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

Biblical Sightseeing

WTF? It takes forty years for the Chosen People to get from N.E. Egypt to the Promised Land (Israel) – it only took the American pioneers six months to get to their Promised Land across the Great Plains and mountain ranges and deserts by covered wagon - something’s screwy somewhere unless the Israelites just stopped to smell the roses and take in the local sights and scenery. Then you figure the distances travelled by Captain Cook and crew, Magellan, Columbus, and all those other seafarers in the golden age of sail. They travelled vastly greater distances in vastly shorter time frames. The more you compare the Exodus trek with other treks, the more anomalous it appears.

Biblical Generation Gaps:

One of the most idiotic themes in the Bible is that the innocent suffer because their ancestors were guilty of some sin or other in the eyes of God, whether it’s on the grand scale of humanity condemned to hardship and suffering because of Adam and Eve’s giving in to temptation (Genesis 3), or the examples of the sons and daughters unto the third, fourth even tenth generation being persona non grata to the Almighty because of an iniquity preformed by dear old great, great, great grandpa or grandma (Exodus 20: 5; Exodus 34: 7; Numbers 14: 18; Deuteronomy 5: 9; Deuteronomy 23: 2-3). That our loving, forgiving, merciful, compassionate Almighty would act in such a manner is anomalous.

Biblical Aliens: The Extraterrestrial Jesus

Several times Jesus admits he is “not of this world”. Check out John 8:23 and 18:36.

Biblical End Times

According to Matthew 24:3-14 and Mark 13:4-13 the signs of the end times are to be along the lines of wars; rumours of war; conflicts between nations and kingdoms; famines; pestilences; earthquakes, false prophets; deadly family feuds; worldwide distribution of the gospels;

So what’s changed in over 2000 years? Why would this be interpreted on being now, not then? That interpretation is highly anomalous, yet it’s what a lot of Right Wing Christian Fundamentalists would have you believe.

Biblical Geography

Though Biblical geography is good in general – no glaring oops like describing massive ice caps and glaciers, that’s no big plus seeing as how the various Biblical authors lived in the areas described by the Bible. I could write a totally unbelievable tale of BEMs (Bug Eyed Monsters of the extraterrestrial kind) on the Moon and yet get the lunar geography spot-on. Not that Biblical geography doesn’t have it’s oops moments, like why no physical evidence or remains of Sodom and Gomorrah; where’s Noah’s Ark to be found that hasn’t already been explored high and low?  And if the weather be part of geography, then having a global spell of very persistent wet weather for forty days and nights (960 hours) is highly anomalous, so much so as to be impossible. It’s called Planet Earth, not Planet Ocean, because there’s not enough of the wet stuff to make it so. Parts of Biblical geography are anomalous.

Biblical Hot Air

The Bible is chock-a-block full of prophets and prophecies, right up through and including the end of the world as we know it (Armageddon). Amazingly, all this soothsaying failed to note and log anything about global warming, climate change, etc., rather major issues in our times. The Bible is big on prophecy; the proof of the prophecy pudding is lacking. That’s an anomaly.

Biblical Characters

There are no independent, verifiable documents, statues, pictograms, stele, inscriptions, grave sites, or any other historical or archaeological evidence that yields any additional credibility to the actual existence of various famous Biblical characters like Adam & Eve, Cain & Abel, Abraham, Joseph, Moses & Aaron, Noah, Solomon, David & Goliath, Jonah, Methuselah, Joshua, and a host of others. You just gotta take the Bible’s word for the reality of these individuals. It’s like the only reference to Homer & Plato, Aristotle & Socrates, Pythagoras, Euclid & Archimedes, was in an ancient Greek school primer for a beginners’ reader and that’s it. Would the very real existence of these half dozen ancients be given any real credibility given just a reference in a lone text? What makes the Bible a special case then? If Biblical characters are as really real and as really the VIPs they are made out to be, then it’s highly anomalous that there just is no other independent confirmation of that status.

A Biblical Piece of the Action

Both the Bible and the Koran are as two peas in the same monotheistic pod. They collectively have influenced billions upon billions of people – whole societies in fact. These texts therefore somewhat remind me of the “Star Trek: The Original Series” TV episode ‘A Piece of the Action’ (aired January 12 1968) where an entire alien society was in the manner of the Bible/Koran subservient to a ‘religious’ text – in this case a book about Chicago gangsters in the roaring 1920’s. That’s what the aliens patterned their culture after. I’m sure that episode was a deliberate dig at the influence our religious texts have on us. But I consider it anomalous that much of the world’s culture is centred on minor variations on and of a single religious text.

The Biblical Face of God

We’ve all seen images of God, from stained glass windows to Michelangelo to Hollywood. The anomaly is that it’s all make-believe. Unless I’ve missed something somewhere along the line, no where in the Bible is God’s physique noted; no physical description exists. He’s not described as white, somewhere between middle and old age, with a very long flowing grey-white beard and long flowing grey-white hair who looks entirely human. The popular image is that the image of God was created in Zeus’s image. Zeus was the model as Zeus’s image was widely known from statues, pottery, etc. For all you know, God could look extremely alien, or for that matter pass you on the street without you blinking an eye.

You Can’t Trust the Bible

We’re used to current events being set down in the here and now. Journalists, camera crews, microphones, tape recorders, etc. will give you today’s events on today’s evening TV news broadcasts. Reviews of recent events will be covered in your weekly magazines. But if I were to write a new biography of say Alexander the Great, you’d know that it could not be 100% spot-on since there’s no way to interview old Alex or those who knew him. Many a document, monument, inscription, etc. from that era would now be lost or destroyed. But when you read your Bible, do you think of the text as you would the evening news bulletin or weekly magazine news roundup, or, as you would my biography of Alex, someone who died way over 2000 years ago?  If the former, you’re sadly mistaken, for those who penned Biblical texts describing Biblical events can no more be trusted for 100% accuracy than my new biography of Alex, and for a similar reason. Words were put to paper long after the facts of the matter transpired. And as for Biblical quotations, well, no tape recorders existed back then, so take any pithy sayings with a very large grain of sodium chloride. Trusting in the Bible is an example of rather strange and anomalous human behaviour.

Our Father, Who Art in Heaven, Twiddling His Thumbs

 Presumably, at the close of the Old Testament, God has retired to His throne room and penthouse in Heaven, and that’s where He’s been couped up for way over 2000 years now. The question is, what does God do with His time up there in La-La-Land? Even if He eats and sleeps and goes to the bathroom and taken daily heavenly showers and trims His beard weekly, that still leaves a lot of hours for – well what’s the answer? Perhaps He stands at the Pearly Gates greeting new arrivals, or conducting Heavenly orientation sessions for new arrivals. Maybe He plays chess with Jesus or the archangels. Perhaps He conducts graduate classes in advanced Christian theology. Perhaps He ghost-writes articles for religious-themed magazines; watches those hellfire and brimstone televangelists on YouTube, or maybe once a year takes on the role of playing Santa Claus – no mortal could fill those shoes. Like Santa, God needs to keep a list and check it twice to find out who’s been naughty and who’s been nice to ensure that only those with the Right Religious Stuff enters through those Pearly Gates! It remains however that what God does with His spare time is an anomaly that has never been adequately explained.

Conclusions

This little exercise is barely scratching the surface that exposes that God’s infallible word, as recorded in the Bible, is anything but. It is riddled with fallacies, errors, enigmas, anomalies, and a potful of similar synonyms.

The Bible: Something’s Screwy Somewhere: Part One

Multi-millions around the world accept the Bible as the literal word of God, and as such it cannot be in error. However, an examination of Biblical texts strongly suggests, to those with open minds, that error, or as I like to phrase things “something’s screwy somewhere”, abounds.

I know I probably shouldn’t pick on God and the Bible as often as I do, but, you know, it’s so damn easy it’s like taking candy from a baby. God sure leads with His chin. Anyway, if I haven’t been struck down by lightning by now, I probably won’t be, so here goes another round. As per usual, all references are from the King James Version (KJV) of the so-called “Word of God”.

Biblical Close Encounters

Way more people have had a close encounter with the Loch Ness Monster than all the various Biblical characters put together have had with respect to an up-close-and-personal chinwag with the Almighty. If you put faith in ancient Greece mythology, way more mortals had a close encounter – a very close encounter – with Zeus, than ever conversed with God.

In The Biblical Beginning: Genesis

Genesis 1:24-25 tells us God created the terrestrial animals (cattle, beasts, creeping things). Man was then created in Genesis 1:26-27. In Genesis 2:7, God created man (as in the first male), and then the beasts, etc. in Genesis 2:18-19. So which came first the human or the animal?

God says (Genesis 2:17; Genesis 3:3) that if you eat of the forbidden fruit that contained the knowledge of good-and-evil (the Bible never mentions it being an apple by the way) you will kick the bucket, immediately if not sooner. Adam and Eve however had a taste of that good-and-evil brand of snack food (Genesis 3:6), and guess what, like the serpent said (Genesis 3:4); thou both survived and didn’t kick the bucket. So, God was telling fibs! In fact, Adam lived to a ripe old age of 930 years (Genesis 5:5), doing his fruitful and multiplying bit long after tasting the forbidden fruit. So God indeed cried ‘wolf’. In God we trust? I think not.

And does that serpent who lurked in the Garden of Eden know something we don’t, that in fact there is not a god, but gods (plural). Check out the wisdom of the serpent in Genesis 3:5. Polytheism rules, OK? In fact, later on down the track in Exodus, and in other Biblical books, God says the same thing – there are indeed other gods.

Sarah’s age according to Genesis 17:17 was 90 years old when she gives birth to Isaac; Genesis 23:1 records her age as 127 years old at time of death. That should be in the “Guinness Book of World Records” as well as “Ripley’s Believe It or Not”. 

You all know the story of Noah’s Ark and the Biblical Flood and how the animals (every living thing of all flesh) went in two by two, male and female (Genesis 6:19-20; Genesis 7:8-9 and 7:14-15) But in Genesis 7:2-3, clean animals go in sevens, male and female, ditto the fowls of the air, but unclean beasts only go in pairs, male and female. Something’s screwy somewhere when the Bible can’t get the story straight and consistent in one lone chapter.

What age do you expect to live to? If you believe in Genesis 6:3, you’ll live until you’re 120 years old! And here I thought threescore and ten years was the Biblical norm – well I was wrong. I still have another fifty-five years of paying taxes to go, not five. That’s not 120 maximum by the way, but 120 years minimum (since a lot of Biblical characters, like Adam, lived way beyond that). Anyway, 120 years it is. That’s God’s promise. But in reality, sigh, that’s just another of God’s fibs. So if you don’t, live to be 120, you know who to bellyache too!

Genesis 4:17 makes mention of Cain’s wife. Where did she come from?

Then you have that Towel of Babel tale. But it wasn’t just God who went down to confound the language of the builders so that no one would understand anyone else. There is a mysterious, and anomalous other(s), noted in Genesis 11:7 as “let us go down” and do the dirty deed. Who is that “us”? Who knows?

In fact, to be perfectly honest, the entirety of Genesis is one big anomaly from start to finish.

Other Biblical Contradictions

Now where exactly did Aaron, kid brother of Moses, kick the bucket? If you believe Numbers 33:39, Aaron died, at 123 years of age, at Mount Hor. On the other hand, if you believe Deuteronomy 10:6, Aaron died and was buried at Mosera. They certainly didn’t employ fact-checkers back in those days.

Who provoked David to number Israel? Well, according to 1 Chronicles 21:1, it was Satan. But, let’s not give the devil his due quite so fast, because in 2 Samuel 24:1, it was the LORD Himself who did the deed! There’s never a good editor around when you need one.

How many brat kids did Michal, the daughter of Saul have? Well, 2 Samuel 6:23 said she was barren until the day she died. No descendents did she have. But, do not despair for her, because in 2 Samuel 21:8 she gave birth to a total of five strapping boys. Someone (Samuel?) didn’t study enough maths to distinguish zero units from five units.

God says that Jesus preaches peace unto the children of Israel in Acts 10:36. But, Jesus counters that in Matthew 10:34 with his sword overriding any purpose he might have regarding peace on earth. Jesus makes crystal clear that “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth”.

But the biggest contradiction of all is God’s commandment “Thou shall not kill” when not only does God kill again, and again, and again, and again (the Biblical Flood; Sodom & Gomorrah; the Tenth Plague; the drowning of Pharaoh’s army, etc.), but instructs others to kill on His behalf, like in Exodus 32:27 (kill them all) or Deuteronomy 20:17 (destroy them: kill, kill, kill).

So much for the infallible so-called “Word of God”, but then I’m sure that if God decreed that three plus seven equalled a bakers dozen, that His good flock would accept that too without question.

The Source of All Evil

Who is responsible for evil? Is it because Adam and Eve did a naughty and got the heave-ho from paradise for their troubles? Is it because of Satan? Are the fallen angels responsible? No. Who is responsible for evil? God is responsible for creating evil and He admits it. Just check out Isaiah 45:7. So, if there is evil in this world, don’t blame anyone other than the Almighty. Whodunit - The Lord, that’s whodunit!

Biblical Unicorns

The Bible lends credibility to the existence of unicorns, mentioning them nine times over in the KJV.

The Angle on Angels

These are multi-thousands of images from stained glass church windows, to artworks and sculptures, to Christmas cards that show Biblical angels with two wings. I’m damned if I can find any reference in the Bible (KJV at least) that describe angels with two wings - something’s screwy somewhere.

The Bible’s Sir Joseph

Joseph was ‘knighted’ for services rendered unto ancient Egypt, well unto the pharaoh for Joseph had a talent interpreting dreams, especially the pharaoh’s dreams. This really impressed the pharaoh.

Genesis 41: 39-46 notes that Joseph, at age 30, was anointed by the pharaoh at be basically his second in command and ruler over all the land of Egypt

Genesis 45:26: Joseph is governor over all the land of Egypt.

Now Joseph dies at 110 years of age (nice going, though a decade less than expected!) at Genesis 50:26, and is embalmed and buried in Egypt. So Joseph was a very important person in ancient Egypt for about 80 years.

But when we come to Exodus 1:8, we have a new king (pharaoh) of Egypt “which knew not Joseph”. WTF? Obviously the new pharaoh could not have known Joseph personally, since Joseph was dead, but to not even know the name, the famous Joseph, who must have had all manner of texts written about him and monuments and a grave site and so on and so forth. That’s an anomaly. It’s like a new President of the United States (POTUS) who never heard of the existence of a previous POTUS, any previous POTUS.

The latter pharaoh (whoever he was) can probably be excused however for his faulty memory seeing as how to this very day no ancient records, documents, hieroglyphs, stele, far less a tomb has ever verified there being a Biblical Joseph in Egypt full stop.

By the Rivers of Babylon

If God smote Sodom and Gomorrah for being wicked and sinful (Genesis 13:13; Genesis 18:20), why did He not smite Babylon? Despite a lot of godly huffing and puffing in Isaiah and Jeremiah (Isaiah 13:19 and Jeremiah 25:12 & Jeremiah Chapters 50 & 51) that seems to suggest Babylon will cop what Sodom and Gomorrah copped, it was left to the Persians, then the Greeks, and finally the desert to take care of and bury wicked Babylon (which virtually became synonymous with all things evil in the Bible). Maybe that was God’s master plan all along, but it sure was the longwinded way of doing things. If God had been consistent, He would have given Babylon the Sodom and Gomorrah treatment directly. Of course if God were really a fag-hater, He would have smote ancient Greece too and dealt with those upstart Greek deities to boot who weren’t exactly Mr. & Mrs. Purity.

To be continued…

So Help Me God

One positive attributed to our trilogy of monotheistic religions is that they form some sort of moral, ethical, legal bedrock for our various civilizations, and without these religious texts we’d all be barbarians if not Neanderthals. Still, when it comes to our legal system, God and the Bible, for example, are not just in the background, but usually offstage, even out on the street.

The Bible contains hundreds of God’s required rituals, laws or commandments as related mainly in the trilogy of the Books of Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy, which are mainly all about better homes and gardens, especially foods, sacrifices, money matters, duties, religious observances – not exactly the stuff of courtroom dramas. Perry Mason wouldn’t have a bar of this Biblical trivia; it would be a total waste of his time and talents. If fact, if you suffer from insomnia, and you need a quick fix, just have a read through of all those highly repetitive do’s and don’ts. You’ll be sawing logs in no time!

Despite that excruciatingly boring multitude of God’s laws, even including the top Ten Commandments as related twice over in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5, the fact is there is relatively little of God, God’s commandments or influence, or of the Bible itself when it comes to the legal system of most western civilized countries. For all practical purposes, the legal system doesn’t recognise God despite the common image we’ve all seen in courtroom scenes of the witness, with hand on the Bible, being asked words to the effect of  “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”. Well, if you’re caught out in an act of perjury, it’s not God that’s going to kick your butt!

“In God we trust” doesn’t apply in a court of law either. Evidence speaks way louder than trust, or faith or belief. In fact, trust, faith or belief would be inadmissible as evidence.

In a court of law, you can’t call God as a witness either for the defence or the prosecution. Well maybe you can, but at the expense of making yourself look pretty foolish. God’s going to be a no-show.

I very much doubt you could justify speeding or leaving the scene of an accident, say a hit-and-run, because you were running late for a religious ceremony and God would be pissed if you were late.

Insurance companies couldn’t claim an Act of God for a natural disaster like a flood to avoid paying out claims for damages.

The accused can’t cite God as the reason or inspiration for doing something illegal, no matter how often the Bible says your action was okay, like stoning someone to death. There is no such thing as the Biblical Defence, though that’s not true in all cultures which have national legal systems based entirely on their adopted religious texts. Did I hear someone whisper Islam for example? 

Now taking those famous Ten Commandments, often found on monuments in or outside of numerous courthouses, how many have been seriously adopted in our western civilized legal systems?

Now first I’d better point out that there is no such thing as THE Ten Commandments. There is not just one version (they appear twice in the King James Version of the Bible at Exodus 20:1-17 and Deuteronomy 5: 6-21) or interpretation or ordering, it’s all depending on what your choice of source is, but the general basics tend to involve the following.

#1: There shall be no others gods before God – I bet they don’t teach this one in law school, unless the Almighty was the Dean.

#2: There shall be no idols or idolatry – There’s no Idolatry 101 in law school either.

#3: There shall be no cussing out God – If anything, swearing in general is a minor civil matter, even against the Almighty.

#4: Honour the [Biblical] Sabbath (which is really Saturday, the seventh day of the week, not Sunday, which is really the first day of the week, just look at your wall calendar) – There still are some restrictions on Sunday trading in some areas, but the purse strings have been loosened considerably over the decades. If Sunday trading is against the law, it’s only barely. It probably originated in the first place back in the days when most of the population was rural and there had to be time in this horse-and-buggy era to allow traders, sellers and buyers a chance to travel to attend church services, back in the days when attendance was the norm.

#5: Honour Mum and Dad (in the Bible that means look out for and after the old folk) – This is a social thing. Parents have a legal obligation raising their kiddies, but there’s no reciprocation requirement when those kiddies reach adulthood.

#6: Do not kill – Okay, that’s one run on the criminal law board, though God should be embarrassed beyond all measure at stating this given His track record. This is probably the most blatant example of a deity’s ‘do as I say, not as I do’ that you’ll find in any religious text anywhere.

#7: Do not be adulterous – Well adultery may rate highly in the tabloids and the woman’s magazines, even making headlines in major newspapers and news bulletins, depending on the who, what, where, when and why, but it’s ultimately a civil or domestic matter and pretty low on the totem pole as well in overall importance.

#8: Do not steal – Okay, that’s two runs on the serious side of all things criminal.

#9: Do not bear false witness – That’s three runs scored.

#10: Do not covet – You can’t go to jail for what you’re thinking.

Only three out of the ten are really serious legal matters. In baseball, .300 is slightly above average. When it comes to adopting God’s laws, a .300 average is pretty poor pickings.

Anyway, the Big Three commandments are hardly unique to Biblical times. They predate the Bible and are concepts found in all pre-Biblical cultures or societies. It doesn’t take a deity to come up with these. Any ten year old could come up with these legal concepts. It’s hardly the stuff of deep philosophical thought. In any event, if convicted of any of these in a court of law, you’re not accused of having broken this or that Commandment attributed to God of the Old Testament, rather you violated Section X, Subsection Y of Criminal Code Z.

International Law

Any future despots, tyrants, dictators, and those with delusions of world domination will be well advised to read the Old Testament from cover-to-cover and back again to see how it’s done by the Expert-of-Experts, the Almighty. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery! Past and present despots, tyrants, dictators, and those with delusions of world domination haven’t held a candle to God, so there’s scope for massive improvement when it comes to Dictatorship: The Next Generation. The slight fly in the ointment is that the Almighty is not available to be the subject of prosecution by international law, whereas future tyrants might just end up with their butts kicked and necks stretched.

So what are some of God’s achievements on the international stage that are suggestive of being crimes against humanity?

Terrorism (Sodom and Gomorrah) – tick!

Genocide (the Biblical Flood) – tick!

Mass Murder (the Tenth Plague) – tick!

Torture (Job, Jonah) – tick!

Invasion (of the Land of Canaan) – tick!

That’s an outstanding list to aspire to for all those future wannabe rulers of the universe!

In summary, you might swear on the Bible and before God, but you can not use God and the Bible to defend your actions in criminal, civil or international law. As a source of legal wisdom, God and the Bible are near worthless and hardly a unique source of ethics, morality or legalities in any event.

Where Was God When…?

Humans can and do die prematurely through no apparent fault of their own. It’s a common feature on the news. It’s reasonable to ask who’s responsible. There are various agencies that can be held accountable: God, Mother Nature and Mankind. Since God is allegedly the Top Banana, the buck stops with Him when it comes to a ‘please explain’ those premature deaths. So, here’s an analysis of possible explanations with God taking centre stage.

Either God exists or God does not exist. If the latter, God cannot be held accountable for anything good, bad or ugly. But, if God exists, and has those positive attributes given to Him, even by His own words in the Bible, then God has a lot to answer for when it comes to explaining why humans are allowed to die prematurely through no fault of their own. The basic charge is premeditated murder at worst, almighty godly negligence allowing death at best.

Let’s review some positive Godly attributes:

God is Loving – Jeremiah 32:18.

God is Merciful - Exodus 34:6; Psalm 103:8; Joel 2:13.

God has Compassion – Psalm 86:15; Psalm 145:8.

God is Forgiving – Daniel 9:9; Ephesians 4:32.

God is Kind – Nehemiah 9:17; Joel 2:13.

God is Gracious – Exodus 34:6. Psalm 86:15; Psalm 116:5.

God is Righteous – Psalm 24:5; Psalm 116:5.

And there’s a lot more besides but you get the idea. God is the good guy. God is your friend. God looks after you. Pure bovine fertilizer! In fact the extreme Christian Right Wing, those televangelists, the Westboro Baptist Church, etc. all like to stress some other of God’s attributes, like being a jealous God, a vengeful God, a God quick to anger and a wrathful God – they like a God who hates and who kicks human butts, hard, and fatally. To them, any premature death to anyone by any cause is attributed to God, thank God, full stop. That also strikes me as pure bovine fertilizer. 

Humans die thanks to God before their time is due:

Why God’s rush to judgment? Since everyone is doomed to die anyway, there’s no apparent need for an immortal deity to rush their demise. To God, a billion years either way, either side of now, is of no consequence, so a human lifespan is just a piddle. If other words, since God will get His pound of flesh, or the devil his due in the fullness of time, there’s no need for any human not to be granted the right to live to die of natural causes – old age.

Innocents have been put in harms way through no fault of their own. Who’s responsible? Where does the buck stop? The buck ultimately stops with the chief cook and bottle washer – the Almighty. 

We have humans killed by deliberate Acts of God:

An Act of God usually implies wilful death and destruction, pain and suffering, inflicted on humanity by well, guess who, the Almighty Himself. That’s murder in the first degree. What else would you call Sodom and Gomorrah; the Egyptian tenth plague on the firstborn; the invasion of the Land of Canaan? Nor does it have to even be a mass murder scenario – even God smiting a single individual is premeditated murder. Fortunately, there have been no unnatural actual Acts of God (as opposed to natural Acts of Nature) in way, way over 2000 years plus, at least defined as a major destructive event that happened without benefit of a natural cause, or even a single death that can only be attributed to “God” and so listed on the death certificate. So in the Common Era, God is off the hook for premeditated murder, though God should still stand trial for atrocities committed in the Old Testament. 

We have humans killed by random Acts of Nature:

That’s wilful negligence since God, if there be a God, ultimately controls nature, God being all-powerful and all that. But first, if it appears to be a natural disaster (flood, drought, famine, hurricane/typhoon/cyclone, tornado, bushfire, volcano, earthquake, hail, epidemic, pandemic, asteroid/meteor impact, solar flares, blizzards, icebergs, lightning, tsunamis/tidal waves, etc.) then lets adopt the duck philosophy – if it looks, sounds, swims, flies, and otherwise behaves like a duck, it’s a duck, or in this case, it really is an Act of Nature and not something deliberately set in motion by Mother Nature’s boss, God, though that’s not set in any philosopher’s stone by any means.

Acts of Nature have an apparent natural cause, but of course that could mean that God is hiding behind an apparently natural causality curtain, but in reality forcing Mother Nature to do His bidding. But why would an all-powerful God hide behind Mother Nature’s skirts? - Back to the duck philosophy. So let’s just assume that God just sits on the sidelines (if He’s still in the neighbourhood, don’t forget He hasn’t been seen or heard from in over 2000 years) and lets Mother Nature strut her stuff – the nice balmy spring mornings; the multi terror-tornadoes that strike in that afternoon.  

Now what does He do from His heavenly sidelines? Well, He can do nothing and wash His hands of the unfolding events, whether it’s the twisters that form in Tornado Alley, a Hurricane Katrina moving towards New Orleans or an Asian tsunami about to strike. But God failing to take action is akin to the parents of a toddler who’s crawling across a road busy with traffic and failing to take action to prevent the inevitable tragedy. That’s wilful negligence. Or, God could manipulate apparently natural events to suit His purpose – create winners and losers.

In any natural disaster (Acts of Nature) there will tend to be ‘winners’ (survivors) and losers – the newly deceased. If God got down off His throne and intervened then presumably He wanted the ‘winners’ to live and the losers to die and made sure the natural dice were rigged to ensure that outcome. If so, then the ‘winners’ can “Thank God”, at least for the surviving part, though God should still get the Big Finger from true believers for allowing that Act of God under the guise of an Act of Nature to have transpired in the first place. Is the credit due God for saving some lives outweighed by the blame for the deaths and overall destruction God caused in the first place?

We have humans killed by Acts of Man at God’s direction.

That’s God being an accomplice to murder in the first degree, for example the Battle of Jericho. Of course today such a defence holds no legal water. If I murder someone, the jury is unlikely to be swayed as to my innocence if I suggest that God wanted and directed me to carry out that murder. So let’s let God off the hook for Acts of Man, even if humans were inspired by God setting a bad example, summed up by that old chestnut, “do as I say, not as I do”. God may say “Thou shalt not kill”, but God’s own track record matches anything Jack-the-Ripper accomplished by many, many orders of magnitude over and above Jack, the serial killer.

We have humans killed by Unintentional Acts of Man:

Friendly fire is one such term, ditto collateral damage. It’s quite apparent from reading the newspaper or watching the evening news on TV that human related accidents cause the death of other innocent humans. A driver has a heart attack, loses control of his vehicle which slams into another car killing the occupants. A hunter shoots at what he assumes is a deer only to discover it’s a fellow hunter he shot by accident. It’s not a difficult assignment to come up with dozens upon dozens of accidental death due to some human error or unintended scenario unfolding, like that cigarette butt tossed out the window which starts a bushfire which goes out of control and ultimately kills dozens. The issue arises; we know why Hercules or Superman can’t come to the rescue, but why doesn’t an all-powerful deity, believed by the multitudes to exist, come and save the day? Doesn’t the deity, say God, care for the innocents? Or perhaps the multitudes are mistaken and God has no more reality than Hercules or Superman. If the former, God doesn’t come out of the situation smelling like a rose, that’s for sure. If the latter, the multitudes need to engage their brain into forward gear and question their beliefs, rather than have it idling in neutral, ever unquestioning.

We have humans killed by Intentional Acts of Man:

Though God ultimately has control over the actions of humans; God could argue that because of man’s free will, He shouldn’t get involved or be held accountable, even though parents are morally accountable for the actions of their children, and aren’t we, allegedly, God’s children? That analogy aside, though God probably thought it was none of His business, should He have really turned a blind eye towards what was to unfold in August 1945 at Nagasaki and Hiroshima? And what about the innocents caught up in the events of 9/11? What about tens of thousands of similar, but less memorable happenings like intervening before Jack-the-Ripper ripped? Again, God probably said it’s none of my doing; I’m not going to get involved. But, would such an attitude jive with all of those loving, kindness, compassionate attributes so noted and logged in the Bible? 

We have humans killed by their own stupidity: The Darwin Award:

Many a human has ended his or her own life prematurely through sheer stupidity, forgetfulness, negligence, and similar concepts. There are a whole series of books on what’s titled the “Darwin Awards” – those who benefit humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool and thus not passing on their stupidity genes to the next generation. Some people are their own worst enemy, accidents waiting to happen. While we’ve probably all experienced an ‘oops’ moment, some ‘oops’ are fatal ‘oops’. Now the question is should God save you from your own stupidity? Whatever your answer, God’s clearly answered that philosophical issue in the negative since people do die prematurely because of their own stupidity. Humans have a far better track record saving or rescuing people from their own stupidity – in the nick of time – than any deity.

Conclusion:

By way of final explanations, either 1) God does not exist or has left the building for parts unknown; 2) God doesn’t give a damn which suggests He isn’t compassionate or merciful, etc.; 3) God plays favourites which also implies He’s not merciful, etc. to all equally. It’s also statistically improbable that only those who were the losers in every natural or human related disaster deserved, in God’s eyes, to burn, baby, burn, and every ‘winner’ was a saint in human skin. When it comes to allowing even dictating the premature deaths of God’s children, well, God’s a god-awful parent! And this is the God you want to snuggle up to in heaven? If God really doesn’t have these positive attributes (mercy, compassion, etc.) then it illustrates that the Bible is full of it, and I don’t have to elaborate or spell out what “it” is.

God Has Passed His ‘Use By’ Date: Part Two

What does the phrase “past its use by date” mean? It means the product is no longer relevant or serves the purpose for which it was once intended; it’s superseded; irrelevant; it’s outdated; if organic it stinks, leaves a bad taste in your mouth, can be harmful to your health and wellbeing, and all-round is a product better discarded into the rubbish bin, buried, incinerated and forgotten about. That seems to sum up the product we call God of the Old Testament.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

The official motto of the United States, passed by Congress as of 1956, is “In God We Trust” and the phrase features prominently on legal paper currency and coinage. Oh boy! If God is the most trustworthy figurehead they can look up to, the U.S. is in deep shit! How many people in the Old Testament put their trust in God only to get the Almighty shaft! In any event, the phrase “In God We Trust” should actually be declared illegal since it violates the First Amendment to the United States Constitution (item one of the Bill of Rights) and starts right off the bat stating that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…”. Official use of the word “God” by Congress implies that Congress respects the establishment of monotheism as their preferred religion, and there the preferred religion therefore of the United States. Of course other cultures, including some American citizens, have adopted other non-monotheistic religions. So, despite all the hype about separation of church and state, in America, it remains just that – hype, not reality. However, even in America, in spite of God’s stamp of approval, humankind as a broad generality (exceptions are pretty obvious), have risen slightly above God’s standards. That alone means it’s time to give God the flick.

Of what possible relevance is God in your personal life other than to serve as a bad example of what not to aspire to? If God has no relevance, expunge the entire concept from your mind and free up some mental space for more relevant stuff.

What have you done for God lately? Read the Bible – tick. Send your kids to Sunday School – tick. Attend church – tick. Put money into the collection plate – tick. Pray to God – tick. Keep His Commandments – tick. Get all hot and bothered and outraged over the issue of same-sex marriage – tick. Now what has God done for you lately? I thought so, so perhaps it’s time to kiss God goodbye. He’s not doing you any favours at all.

Speaking of prayer, you’ll get fans and players alike on both sides of a sporting contest praying to God for the Big Win. What absolute nonsense. What sheer stupidity. The phrase “God’s on our side” is rubbish. Not even God (as a theoretical concept) can give victory to both sides simultaneously. God doesn’t give a damn about your insignificant event – He’s neutral, so why bother praying? Leave God out of it. God is irrelevant. And in any event, if prayer actually worked we’d have no poverty, world peace would be the norm, and all would be perfectly fit and well and live happy ever after. The Big News headline of the day would be something like “Mary took her dogs out for walkies”. So praying for anything is quite an outdated concept.

In any event there is no causality link between prayer and results. If I pray tonight that the Sun will rise in the morning and it does so, shall I therefore conclude my prayer was answered and therefore if I hadn’t of prayed the Sun would not have risen? Well maybe someone else prayed for sunrise and God answered them. But if you pray to win lotto and you do so, can you therefore conclude that God wanted you to be rich and famous since it’s unlikely that anyone else prayed for your good fortune? Any link between prayer and results can be summed up with the phrase “shit happens”, even good shit happens, and we’re not talking about God’s shit.

Further, given the relatively low electromagnetic energy output of the brain required to pray, and the inverse square law (double the distance; quarter the strength), your message to God would quickly become indistinguishable from the ever-present background noise. God can’t ‘hear’ you.  So by all means wish upon a star, but consign God to the rubbish bin. 

Another absurdity about prayer – could you listen to and comprehend thousands upon thousands of people all talking to you at once, on different subjects, and differing languages? No? Then what makes you think even a god could manage it, any god? 

Now I know you want to hedge your bets, just in case God is your ticket to an afterlife, life everlasting, whatever. I mean if God doesn’t really exist but you believe the contrary, you’ve lost nothing, but if God does exist and you give God the Big Thumbs Down, you’ve screwed yourself, so it’s better to err on the side of self-interest. It’s pretty hard to counter any argument that promotes self-interest, so you have to ask yourself, regardless of God’s reality, do I really want everlasting life? Think very carefully, or in other words, be careful about what you wish for, least you get it. Eternal life might look good on paper, but, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true.

I’ll assume that if you’re a God-fearing type of individual you are least have eliminated Hell from the afterlife equation. That leaves an eternity for you to spend in Heaven, though I rather suspect minus the common but non-Biblical image garb of harp and halo (the latter never even getting a Biblical mention). Now I can’t recall reading in the Bible anywhere where it’s stated what you actually do in Heaven to keep mind and body fully occupied, but whatever it is, it has to be for an eternity, an everlasting occupation, or in other words, for you are going to have to be gainfully occupied for infinity, and that’s a long, long, long time, time enough to read and re-read and re-re-read every issue of every Reader’s Digest and National Geographic and in fact the sum total of the Library of Congress many times over. And how many re-runs of a TV show, any TV show, can you stomach – you’ll have time enough on your hands to find out. Now you probably have a hard time filling in the 24/7/52 for your allotted threescore and ten. I predict that within the first several million years of so into your life everlasting you are going to become very, very bored. And you still have an eternity to go! In a manner of speaking, life eternal is hell!

So what’s in it for you, that self-interest bit, if you show God the exit sign? Well what’s in it for you anytime you divorce something be it your despised spouse, your hated job, your harmful smoking habit, your alcoholism? Freedom, that’s what. You’re no longer a religious slave or a slave to religious ritual – you’ve kicked the God Almighty habit and you’re free to be yourself without having to look back over your shoulder to see if hell, fire and brimstone are bearing down on you. And judging from the rhetoric of many a religious fanatic, they are indeed as addicted to God as some are to tobacco or booze or cocaine or heroin.

In summary, you should give God the boot, the flick, the Big Finger, whatever, because…

There’s not the slightest shred of evidence that any such supernatural deity exists, making it a pretty big ask to put your faith, not to mention your time and money in support of something that could easily be logically equated to the holy trinity of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Therefore, move your own personal ‘no confidence’ motion in the alleged Almighty.

The God of the Old Testament is a pretty unsavoury character (as noted above), in fact a downright nasty piece of work with a personality and a philosophy more akin to the Taliban, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot. Idi Amin, Attila the Hun, Al Capone, (and hundreds more besides) all rolled into one. There’s no logical reason to support such a deity, unless of course you’re a closet tyrant wannabe. God’s positive attribution or contribution is to serve as a bad example. So give God the boot.

What’s God ever done for you that can only be attributed to a supernatural deity? Well you might answer that you get Christmas and Easter holidays, but then again they tend to be Jesus-related. Some people ‘celebrate’ Passover, but that’s really a celebration of God-the-mass-murderer and perhaps therefore not something to be credited in the plus column. So if the answer is zip, zilch, a big zero, goose-eggs, bugger-all, not a damn thing, or variations thereof, why vote for Him? Why not just kiss God a not so fond farewell and free yourself from an unwanted and unneeded addiction?