A Biblical Quiz: Part Two

Believing in the reality of Biblical stories is, IMHO akin to accepting the reality of the Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Grimm’s Fairy Tales, and the Adventures of Superman. Or, perhaps it’s more akin to accepting the reality of that other Holy Trinity – Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy! Next time your local clergy starts shooting off at the mouth about the reality of all things Biblical, the Glory and the Greatness of God, here are a few awkward questions to pose (or perhaps just forward this on to your local place of worship along with a “please explain”).

I’ve said it before but it probably bears repeating that the moment you question the bona-fides of any part of the Bible you have got to question the lot. So here are a few questions of mine which if truth be known could easily be expanded to monograph lengths.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

MIRACULOUS ANOMALIES: You live in your modern day world and observe all and sundry around you and all appears as it should – no unexplainable surprises ever happen, which isn’t the same thing of course as unexpected. The sun and the moon in your universe obey the laws of celestial physics; if you get swallowed by a fish you die; everyone you know has a mother and a father who contributed genetic material equally to their being (i.e. – you don’t know anyone born of a virgin); rock musicians at a concert you attended don’t cause nearby buildings to collapse; the loaves and fishes in your pantry only get replaced if you go to the supermarket; your glass full of water doesn’t suddenly acidify and turn into fermented grape juice – that would put the wine industry’s knickers-in-a-knot; you’ve never witnessed 960 hours of continuous rain; people at the beach swim in the water rather than walk on it; speaking of  the waters, they just don’t tend to repel like, well like poles of a magnet do; people who diet by going without food and water for 40 days die; the dead you once knew stay dead; people like yourself don’t learn new languages instantaneously; people, like your neighbours, don’t live for over 900 years; you’re rather unlikely to see anyone get turned into a pillar of salt; rivers don’t morph from water into blood; shape-shifting is something fictional found only in the pages of mythology, science fiction, science fantasy and horror; if you get a haircut, you don’t need to take out gym membership to make up for your power loss; punishments in your society tend to fit the crime. The next time you smack your golf ball into the water hazard, wouldn’t it be nice to imitate Elijah and Elisha at the River Jordan and of course Moses and wave your arms about and the waters would part so you could hit your golf ball and just get on with your game. 

Quiz question: How come the unexplainable was a regular happening but only for all practical purposes in Biblical times?

CAIN’S WIFE: We all know that in the beginning God created Adam and Eve, and the two then produced two sons, Cain and Abel, and then a third son Seth after Cain failed to show brotherly love for Abel and introduced to the world the first homicide on record. Now in order for the human race to get their ‘be fruitful and multiply’ act kick-started, these young lads needed to shack up with the opposite sex. Now apparently Cain was able to do for the Bible says he knew his wife. (Genesis 4:17).

Quiz question: Where did Cain’s wife come from? 

CAIN’S BOUNTY HUNTERS: Given the same set of characters, after Cain slew Abel, God was pretty pissed and punished Cain by exiling him, but Cain was more worried that it would come to pass, that every one that ran across his would slay him in return. That would ruin God’s punishment so He forbids anyone to slay Cain. (Genesis 4: 12-15).

Quiz Question: If there were only Adam, Even and Cain in existence, who was around and about to act as bounty hunter?

THE BIG WET: We all know the story of the Big Wet, that world-wide flood as related in Genesis and Noah’s Ark and all the animals that went in two-by-two, etc.

Quiz question: How did a pair of kangaroos (just one of numerous possible examples) hop from Australia to the Middle East and back again? Or, how did terrestrial vegetation survive underwater in total darkness for the duration?

NOAH’S ARK: Noah’s Ark has been claimed to have been discovered a dozen times over and every time it’s a case of back to the drawing board.

Quiz question: Why hasn’t Noah’s Ark really ever been found using all of the high-tech equipment available to Biblical archaeologists?

SODOM & GOMORRAH: Since 1945 there have been lots and lots of chin-wagging over and about ‘weapons of mass destruction’. Japan knows about them first hand; they were a major reason behind the second Gulf War. But who was the first to actually make and employ weapons of mass destruction? God, that’s who. Perhaps it will jog your memory if I mention Sodom and Gomorrah, and other nearby cities. In fact, God used a weapon of total destruction, since no trace of these settlements, have ever been found to this day.

Quiz Question: Why hasn’t Sodom and Gomorrah ever been located?

HOMOSEXUALITY: One question immediately arises from God’s destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah due to sexual wickedness. If God was so against homosexuality (‘strange flesh’), how come He didn’t smite ancient Greece, ruled by those – shock, horror – ‘other gods’? That’s strike one alone. Homosexuality was socially acceptable in ancient Greek society (strike two), not only between consulting adults but between adults and minors as well (strike three). 

Quiz question: Why didn’t God smite ancient Greece?

TENTH PLAGUE:  One well known example of God’s foreign policy was the Ten Plagues inflicted on ancient Egypt, most notably the final one, death to all the Egyptian firstborn, regardless of name, age, sex or rank. So mass murder was definitely one of God’s foreign policy instruments (and that’s God’s story and He’s sticking to it, though fortunately the ancient Egyptians don’t seem to be aware that they were culled).

Quiz Question: Why didn’t the ancient Egyptians note and log anywhere that they had been culled by God and that their gods were powerless to prevent it? Why did an all-powerful God have to resort to mass murder as an instrument of foreign policy – to make Pharaoh “let my people go”? Surely it would have been sufficient to just torture Pharaoh into submission and spare the rest of the innocents.

PHARAOHS: Biblical texts often refer to the title of Pharaoh, yet the actual identities of these kings of ancient Egypt are never given.

Quiz question: Why aren’t Pharaohs named in the Bible, given that they indeed have names? Why is that? Did anyone who actually penned any part of the Bible that talks about Egypt actually ever set foot in that country?

GOD OF ISRAEL: I am given to understand that God is a God for all people, all nations, all races, all cultures and ethnic backgrounds. Yet it is crystal clear from the Bible that God is the “God of Israel” – it’s stated often enough. That’s reinforced because God is clearly not a God of Egypt; God is clearly not a God of the Land of Canaan. In fact during that era, the peoples of the Americas, Asia, the Subcontinent, most of Africa, etc. hadn’t a clue that the Almighty God even existed. Rather bad PR on God’s part wouldn’t you reckon?

Quiz question: If God is a universal God, why does His Holy Book usually refer to Him as just the “God of Israel”?

 

PROMISED LAND: Back around 1500 BCE the world’s population was a heck of a lot less, at least relative to the numbers around the world today. There would have been many fertile areas, lands of milk and honey, sparsely populated, like parts of Africa, Asia and the Americas. So, if God is looking for a good geographical location to plunk His Chosen People into, given that He can just snap His fingers and send them from Point A to Point B (like He did in that Tower of Babel scenario), why not choose a desirable and easy option, say Cuba, or New Zealand? There were no doubt vast tracks of sparsely inhabited lands in the Americas or southern Africa, all available relative to forcing an invasion of the Land of Canaan with associated death and bloodshed.

Quiz question:  So why did He choose instead the tough and bloody option – not only making His Chosen People walk the long walk, but having to fight for their Promised Land because it was already well and truly inhabited?

 

EXODUS: Related to this, outside of the Book of the Exodus and other Biblical references there is no other historical evidence or historical record that any of those events ever happened.

Quiz Question: Why aren’t the events as related in Exodus, an obviously major historical happening, of supreme significance if true, recorded anywhere else, as in ancient Egyptian historical records for example?

To be continued…