We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2. But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.
From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)
Genesis 1
In the beginning the Supreme Programmer programmed software creating the virtual Heaven and the virtual Earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: but wait, there’s more to come!]
2 And the virtual Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And so the creativity of the Supreme Programmer moved upon the face of the waters with big plans afoot.
3 And the Supreme Programmer programmed in light and there was light. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I like light. Light is good. Light is, well, enlightening]
4 And the Supreme Programmer saw the light, that it was a good light and that there were no software glitches and then the Supreme Programmer divided the light from the darkness. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: that division was a really neat programming trick if I do say so myself.]
5 And the Supreme Programmer called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.
6 And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I had a few too many martinis at this juncture and that’s why this reads as pure nonsense – sorry ‘bout that.]
7 And the Supreme Programmer programmed the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see my comment immediately above, but otherwise think of this as a heavenly firmament sandwich with very soggy bread.]
8 And the Supreme Programmer called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: the reason for the waters above the Heavenly firmament is so that Heaven will get some April showers.]
9 And the Supreme Programmer programmed the waters under the heaven to be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and it was so and there were no software glitches.
10 And the Supreme Programmer called the dry land earth; and the gathering together of the waters the Supreme Programmer called the seas: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: due to an oversight on my part, I forgot to mention the third part of the trilogy, the atmosphere – oops – sort ‘bout that.]
11 And the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth to bring forth virtual reality grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed was of itself, upon the earth: and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I invented botany, simulated, of course.]
12 And the virtual Earth brought forth virtual reality grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was within itself, after his kind and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only botany, but masculine botany!]
13 And the evening and the morning were the third day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I was pooped – wouldn’t you be?]
14 And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be lights in the firmament of the Heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’m just full of neat tricks!]
15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the virtual Earth and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only “let there be light” but “let there be lights”. More is better, don’t you agree?]
16 And the Supreme Programmer made two great simulated lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: damn I’m good!]
17 And the Supreme Programmer set them in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the Earth.
18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.
19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.
20 And the Supreme Programmer said let the waters [that were previously gathered together] bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of Heaven. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in case you though my virtual Heaven was way, way, way out there, well even the birds can routinely perch there.]
21 And the Supreme Programmer created great whales, and every living creature that moves, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.
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22 And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: actually that should read “fowl multiply on or over the earth.]
23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.
24 And the Supreme Programmer said, let the virtual Earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping things, and beasts of the earth after his kind and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I also invented zoology, also simulated, of course, and masculine too – of course.]
25 And the Supreme Programmer made the beast of the Earth after his kind and cattle after their kind, and every thing that crept upon the earth after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I do love to endlessly repeat myself.]
26 And the Supreme Programmer said; let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that crept upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’ve invented masculine anthropology.]
[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: Unfortunately, in my not so infinite wisdom, I now have screwed up, Big Time.]
27 So the Supreme Programmer created a virtual man in his own image, in the image of the Supreme Programmer created he him; male and female created he them, virtually. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: Another round of too many martinis in that I made a virtual man and a virtual him when I should have said I made a virtual man and woman. I also need to improve my grammar. Sorry ‘bout that.]
28 And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, and the Supreme Programmer said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moved upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when I screw up, I really screw up! Well at least I’ll be responsible for giving birth to The Greens!]
29 And the Supreme Programmer said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: what I really mean here is that plants are food for plant eaters which in turn are meat for meat eaters – got that?]
30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that crept upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see immediately above.]
31 And the Supreme Programmer saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good and that there were no software glitches. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.
To be continued…
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