More Random Irreligious Thoughts

* Imagine the following: Destroy every religious text of any persuasion in existence; eliminate every religious institution; sack anyone involved in organised religion (or even disorganised religion); purge the name of any and every deity ever proposed, and then for good measure wipe clean the memories of every person with respect to anything and everything to do with religion in any shape, manner or form. Let’s turn the entirety of humanity into a flock of another kind, just like real sheep who presumably have no concept of all the sorts of things religions go on, and on, and on about.

Firstly, that would make for a much more peaceful planet, but that’s not my real point here. If the human race all of a sudden had no inkling of religion and associated rituals like prayer, deities, and thou shall nots, and miracles, and associated baggage - the slate wiped clean – would we invent it all over again and if so would it all be in the same old form as we know it now?

All of our religions cannot possibly be correct, but all of them could be wrong. Assuming that’s the case, could there be out there a really bona-fide god or gods – supernatural deities – with some sort of associated baggage that we have no comprehension of? Say these hypothetical supernatural entities have never made contact with Planet Earth.

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* Why is religion (and history too for that matter) so popular vis-à-vis say science or economics. Religion (and history) is told in story form and we’re natural born story tellers and recipients of say bedtime stories. Whole bookstores and libraries are filled with variations of “once upon a time” “they lived happy ever after”. There are multi-tens of thousands of movies and TV shows that play upon our need for stories. So that’s one reason. Another reason that religion is so popular is that it comes as a package deal. All the Big Questions (is there a God, your purpose, the meaning of life, free will, your soul, an afterlife, etc.) are wrapped up together in a nice box with a lovely pink ribbon. Reject religion, reject the pretty box of answers to your Big Questions, and you have to actually do some hard intellectual yakka to find out your own answers to those questions, individually, one at a time. So most take the easy road, the package deal, instead of striking out on their own, seeking their own intellectual answers come what may.

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* In May of 2013, the current Pope (as noted on the “Huffington Post”) said that atheists were okay for salvation and a place in heaven providing they had lived the sort of life that God intended. Alas, the very next day a spokesperson for the Vatican refuted that – no way can an atheist get on the good side. Well, so much for papal infallibility! It really is all so phoney – an absolute joke. 

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* Miracles (if they exist) are God’s correction fluid (whiteout) – assuming God exists. If existence is affirmed on both counts that actually makes a mockery of an all-knowing, all-powerful supernatural deity since it would have been logical and preferable to have set in train the necessary conditions that would have negated the need for a later miracle. For example, don’t bother to raise the dead; rather ensure they don’t snuff it in the first place!

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* Despite many references in the Bible of God talking to someone, Adam and Eve, Cain, Jacob, Jonah, Moses, etc. we never get an actual description of what God looks like. He speaks in a cloud or as a burning bush. All images of God, artworks, are of the human imagination. So, what did God really look like and why was He ashamed to actually show His face (something true unto this very day). Perhaps God doesn’t want to be seen because He was starkers – absolutely naked – and perhaps, assuming some mortal actually saw God, well no one dares mention the ‘emperor’ who has no clothes. If humans were made in God’s image, and God was ashamed of His nudity (as Adam and Eve were ashamed of there lack of clothing post their nibbling on a forbidden snack), then perhaps that accounts for our reluctance in most public environments to show off our birthday suits.

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* If you’re really honest about things, what’s THE most important wish list part or objective or goal or aspect of your life? Is it money? Is it power? Is it reputation? Is it winning the Nobel Prize? Is it success? Is it having the most perfect family? Is it pitching a perfect major league ballgame? Is it becoming POTUS, or perhaps Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff? Is it (fill in the blank)? No! More likely as not, your number one priority it is NOT DIEING! Well good luck with that ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen.

So, what’s the next best objective? An afterlife! Why? What’s really annoying about snuffing it is lose of consciousness. The idea that your consciousness that you spent a lifetime building up from scratch will just dissolve into grey goo to be consumed by bacteria is pretty abhorrent. If you have an afterlife, the minimum you must retain is consciousness or self-awareness. You may still be old and grey and can’t get it up; you may not have access to alcohol and tobacco and other similar addictions; you may only get TV reruns and old magazine issues to read; you favourite pizza may not be on the menu; you may even have to share your afterlife with your ex-boss, or your ex or your in-laws, others you’d rather not share anything with or be within ten miles (or kilometres) of; in short not everything will be just hunky-dory, but at least you’ll retain your consciousness for all eternity (and be bored witless even before the first several thousand years or so passes by). Is that a price you are willing to pay?

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* There are many, probably a majority of the population, who will claim to have had some sort of up close and personal experience with God, or Jesus, or angels, or some sort of supernatural entity. They will of course use that very personal experience as not only evidence, but proof that God, etc. exists. And it is extremely difficult to counter argue their conviction based on their experience. However, I too have had an intense up close and personal experience too, but one which I’m sure shows that these sort of profound spiritual experiences are some combination of wishful thinking (a desire to believe) and mental hallucinations. 

Now like many hundreds of thousands, even millions of people, I like to put out food for wild birds, especially in environmentally stressful times like winter or during a drought. Over the course of many years, I’ve had thousands of visitations – what bird is going to turn down an easy free feed? At the end of the day, there’s usually some cleanup to be done like sweeping up all the leftover birdseed husks, etc. And so it came to pass one early evening, I was waiting for two birds to finish up before I did the daily cleanup. And in due course they flew off, up over my roof. And so I went outside to start the cleanup, but there sitting on the apex of the roof were the two birds. As I looked up at them, they looked back at me, and for some inexplicable reason, I received a telepathic message from the two birds: “thanks for all the food; we’ll be back tomorrow”. And then they flew off. It was so real an experience that I just stood there stunned, in fact so moving was that experience, so bonding was that human-animal encounter that tears immediately started welling up in me.   

This was the first and only time I ever had such a vivid even spiritual feeling that remains as vivid and as spiritual now as it did seconds after the fact. But clearly I was imagining the whole thing. Birds cannot speak the human language. Telepathy doesn’t exist far less exist between birds and humans. Birds probably have no concept of being given a gift and thus no mental concept of giving thanks.

So yes, when someone says they had an up close and personal encounter with God (or equivalent), I’m sure that they are 100% sincere and a believer. But I’m equally convinced it’s a case, as was mine with the two birds, of self-deception.

Televangelist Pat Robertson

It takes way more than you fingers and toes to tick off the number of radical right wing religious fanatics, those Christian fundamentalists and evangelists who seemingly are anti anything and everything even slightly left of their worldview. They don’t tend to preach the positives, but concentrate on the negatives like God’s wrath, Satanism, hellfire and brimstone, demons and the end times. One of the better established examples is long term televangelist Pat Robertson, and his worldview is pretty typical of the type.

Pat Robertson is one of those popular televangelists, in this case chief cook and bottle-washer on the “700 Club” part of the Christian Broadcasting Network with roughly one million viewers. Robertson has seemingly been a televangelist ever since TV became mainstream entertainment. He just keeps on keeping on, and on, and on!  Now even I have to admit that Pat Robertson comes across as a mild-mannered soft-spoken kindly grandfatherly (b. 1930) character, nothing akin to a hellfire and brimstone Bible-thumping hell-raiser. Instead, he’s the sort of person you’d suspect who’d sit you on his knee and comfort and sooth your aches and pains and pray your troubles away.

Charismatic he’s not, but he’s in your comfort zone. Don’t let all that fool you, though he’s a middle-of-the-road extreme right wing fundamentalist (he doesn’t subscribe to the literal six 24-hour days of creation and likes to pick and choose what parts of the Bible suit his purposes rather than outright acceptance of Biblical infallibility), he’s still way, way, way right of centre when it comes to all things Biblical. In fact, author Robert Boston has termed Pat Robertson “The Most Dangerous Man in America” (1996).

Perhaps its just his advanced age, but he’s convinced God talks to him – that’s his story and he’s sticking to it – although he sometimes gets the message from on high befuddled. In fact his success rate in relating God’s predictions to the masses is, to put it mildly, embarrassing.

Robertson once sought the Republican Party’s nomination for the American Presidency (1988) – no dice. He also once made plans to televise live the Second Coming (which he’s convinced in just around the corner and has been for many decades) from Jerusalem, but to date Jesus hasn’t cooperated with the anointed one.

Here are a selected few Right Wing Watch headlines about our elderly Mr. Robertson. As you might expect, Pat is anti-gay, anti-environment, anti-abortion, anti-Muslim, and of course anti-President Obama, etc. If God is against it, you can bet the family farm Pat Robertson is against it too.

“Robertson lashes out at ‘doctrinaire’ environmentalist ‘fanatics’.”

“Robertson: Liberals use schools like gulags to ‘indoctrinate’ youth.”

“Pat Robertson’s prayers can make you a millionaire.”

“Robertson: worth praying over clothes to rebuke demons.”

“Robertson dismisses ‘nutty,’ ‘true believer’ climate scientists.”

“Robertson: ‘Demonic’ Islam isn’t a religion but an ‘economic and political system’.”

“Robertson: Obama is a secret socialist.”

“Robertson: Liberals ‘want death’ [regarding euthanasia and abortion rights].”

“Robertson admits he blew election prediction he received from God.”

“Robertson: ‘Miserable’ atheists trying to ‘steal’ Christmas.”

“Pat Robertson excuses [CIA Director David] Petraeus: ‘Here’s a good-looking lady throwing herself at him’.”

“Pat Robertson on Obama victory: ‘What is going on with the American people?’”

“Robertson: Gays and Liberals ‘don’t want freedom’ but ‘want a dictatorship’.”

“Robertson warns God is about to ‘take down the wall of protection around this nation’.”

“Pat Robertson: Since ‘we don’t condone wife-beating these days’ husband should ‘move to Saudi Arabia’ to beat her’.”

“Robertson: Democrats the ‘party of gays, godlessness and whatever else’.”

“Pat Robertson: ‘out of your mind’ to support same-sex marriage.”

“Pat Robertson blames drought on Americans who ‘ignore the laws of God with impunity’.”

“Robertson: Gay rights advocates should ‘shut their mouth’.”

“Pat Robertson blames Sikh Temple shooting on atheists.”

“Pat Robertson: Same-sex marriage is the ‘death knell’ of the Democratic Party

“Pat Robertson: Dump your Muslim girlfriend.”

“Pat Robertson: Ignore what the Bible says about slavery.”

“Robertson: Gay relationships lead to ‘disease and suffering’.”

“Pat Robertson prays to free people from the ‘so-called homosexual lifestyle’.”

“Pat Robertson describes how God built the Christian Broadcasting Network.”

“Robertson: Scientists ‘can’t speculate about the origins of life’.”

“Pat Robertson tells man to tithe against wife’s wishes because ‘you are the boss’.”

“Pat Robertson says Satan is behind homosexuality and abortion rights.”

“Pat Robertson says homosexuality is ‘related to demonic possession’.”

“Robertson calls non-Christians a ‘virus’.”

“Pat Robertson flip flops and denies climate change.”

“Pat Robertson implores woman not to attend sister’s same-sex marriage.”

“Pat Robertson says people could have stopped deadly tornadoes through prayer.”

“Robertson says Obama’s ‘role in life is to diminish the power of the United States’.”

“Robertson warns of looming ‘secular atheist dictatorship’.”

“Pat Robertson tells viewer it’s his own fault, not Robertson’s, that [faith] healing didn’t work.”

“Pat Robertson claims Obama is becoming a dictator.”

“Pat Robertson says you should be Christian first and American second, but attacks Muslims who put religion ahead of nationality.”

“Pat Robertson calls Obama ‘power hungry’ and a ‘dictator’.”

“God tells Robertson that ‘radical’ Obama will bring down America.”

“Robertson: ‘What is this ‘mac and cheese,’ is that a Black thing?’.”

“Robertson says Obama has a Muslim ‘inclination’.”

“Robertson calls Oklahoma earthquake a sign of the end times”

“Robertson: Christians should oppose Occupy Wall Street.”

“Bennett, Robertson blame feminism, gay culture for ruining men.”

“Robertson tells woman who can’t pay mortgage she must keep tithing in order to receive God’s blessings.”

“Robertson says Obama is ‘inciting people to revolt’.”

“Robertson blasts Occupy Wall Street ‘clowns’.”

“Robertson: Christians shouldn’t celebrate Halloween because ‘it’s the night for the devil’.”

“Robertson’s marital advice: divorce your wife with Alzheimers.” 

“Robertson: Jews must convert to Christianity to usher in end times.”

“Robertson suggests crack in the Washington Monument was a sign from God.”

“Robertson: ‘The antichrist is Islam’.”

“Robertson: Media hate freedom, democracy and America.”

“Robertson: [Texas Governor Rick] Parry ‘founded his administration on the Bible’.”

“Robertson and Spencer agree: media love Islam ‘cult’ because they hate America.”

“Robertson: Jewish ‘self-hatred’ explains support for Obama, lack of support for Israel.” 

“Robertson: God will destroy America for marriage equality.”

“Robertson: The Tea Party is God’s answer.”

“Robertson: Fighting Muslims is just like fighting Nazis.”

“Robertson: Left backs abortion rights to make straight women more like lesbians.”

“Robertson on burqa ban: don’t like it? Go back to Africa.”

“Robertson: Asteroid will destroy the Earth.”

“Robertson: Nuclear power is, without question, the way to go.”

“God tells Robertson 2011 will be bad for the world, great for Robertson.”

Further Reading:

Boston, Robert; The Most Dangerous Man in America? Pat Robertson and the Rise of the Christian Coalition; Prometheus Books; 1996.

Donovan, John B.; Pat Robertson: The Authorized Biography; Scribner; 1988.

Harrell, David Edwin; Pat Robertson: A Life and Legacy; William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.; 2010.

Harrell, David Edwin; Pat Robertson: A Personal, Religious, and Political Portrait;  Harpercollins; 1988.

Marley, David John; Pat Robertson: An American Life; Rowman & Littlefield; 2007.

Straub, Gerard Thomas; Salvation for Sale: An Insider’s View of Pat Robertson; Prometheus Books; 1988.

Religion: Some More Random Observations

Do you have greater credibility for your personal worldview and biases, or are you taken more seriously if you invoke God, Jesus and/or the Bible in support? Perhaps you may think a wicked city like Las Vegas should be destroyed. Thumbs down, but then you say well look what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah. You’d get short shrift if you advocate executing disobedient children, until you can cite the Biblical chapter and verse which states the exact same thing. Wacky ideas get the thumbs down; Biblical wacky events that mirror those ideas – thumbs up. 

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Anybody reading the story of the crucifixion in Matthew, Mark or Luke will note that for three hours, between noon and three pm apparently, it became very dark. John doesn’t mention this, and Matthew and Mark only note the three hours of intense darkness. But Luke (23:45) notes specifically that “the sun was darkened’. That clearly implies a solar eclipse. However, there are several problems with this. The first is that the crucifixion of Jesus took place at Passover. Alas, Passover happens or is celebrated when the Moon is in its Full Moon phase (or when the Earth is between, but not quite in direct alignment with, the Sun and the Moon). A solar eclipse can only happen when the Moon is totally dark, that is when it is in its New Moon phase (when the Moon is between the Earth and the Sun). So, when the crucifixion happened, that is at Passover, the Moon was Full, not New, therefore no solar eclipse. The second problem is that the New Moon only covers the Sun causing a solar eclipse thus causing intense darkness, for a maximum just shy of eight minutes. That’s just a tad less time than Mathew, Mark and Luke allow for. The third problem is that the crucifixion happened as far as can be determined in April of 30, or 33 or 34 CE. There is no solar eclipse in Jerusalem in April in any of those months and years and is therefore irrelevant, misleading and immaterial. So, either it’s all just fiction, added in for dramatic effect, or it was a miracle (which is probably the official church line). I’d opt for the fiction myself.

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Be sure to check out Wikipedia’s entry for “List of scandals involving evangelical Christians” – very, very enlightening. Also, if you have access, read the following:

Gardner, Martin: “Prime-time preachers” (in) The New Age: Notes of a Fringe Watcher; Prometheus Books, Buffalo, New York; 1988; p.223-245.

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This is the latest Right Wing Watch Cindy Jacobs story.

“Cindy Jacobs’ five-year-old daughter can stop tornadoes.”

Apparently her trick is to shout out “I told you to be quiet in Jesus’ name!” and the tornado just goes poof.

My response: Hello, my name is Alice and I’ve gone through the looking glass into wonderland – whee!

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Speaking of the Right Wing Watch, their coverage of the extreme right wing fundamentalist religious personalities like Pat Robertson, Bryan Fischer (especially Brian Fischer), Cindy Jacobs, Glenn Beck; and dozens more, show that these individuals and the organisations they represent (like the American Family Association) are stridently anti-President Obama, and have been since Obama rose to the fore in 2008. I’ve never witnessed any American president being subjected to the vitriol and abuse that President Obama has routinely been by the religious right. Amazingly, it doesn’t seem to be a racist thing, it’s just Obama stands for everything the extreme right wing is against like gay marriage. So, Obama is the antichrist; Obama doesn’t believe in the Bible; Obama hates America; Obama isn’t even an American citizen; Obama is anti-Israel; Obama is pro-Muslim; Obama is a closet Muslim; Obama is a closet gay; Obama is America’s Lenin or Stalin; Obama hates the military; Obama is an illegitimate president; Obama should be impeached. There’s a lot more negatives, but you get the drift.

But it’s not so much about what Obama is (sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me) but what Obama’s agenda is. Obama will declare himself God; Obama wants to destroy the American economy; Obama wants to raise a black army and kill whites, especially right wing Christian whites; Obama wants gun control to disarm his enemies; Obama wants to precipitate another Civil War; Obama will turn America into an Islamic state; Obama discriminates against Christianity; Obama declares war on white America; Obama is out to destroy the family unit; and on and on and on it goes without any shred of evidence whatever.

While that might be an example of America’s freedom of speech, I wonder whether or not any of these individuals will apologise in January 2017 when Obama leaves office and nothing whatever has come to pass that even remotely confirmed these outlandish shock, horror, it’s the end of the world or at least of America, claims. My gut feeling is that there won’t be an “I’m sorry” or “I got it wrong” from anyone that’s a member of any one of the extreme right wing fundamentalist religious groups. By then they will have moved on and will be bucketing some other person.

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Why is it that a select number of those with a religious conviction feel they have a moral and ethical right to disturb and inconvenience you, at their convenience of course, in order to shove their religious worldview down your throat? The nice thing about atheists is that they don’t disturb and inconvenience you; they don’t do doorknocking!

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Ancient art works that depict ‘flying saucers’ all seemingly have a religious, especially New Testament, Jesus/Mary themed context: Why? Perhaps because the religious figures central in the artistic works aren’t supernatural but flesh-and-blood of an ‘ancient astronaut’ variety.

In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part Two

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

Continued from yesterday’s blog…

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 2

Thus the virtual Heavens and the virtual Earth were finished and all the host of them. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I have no idea what “all the host of them” means, but it sounds good.]

² And on the seventh day the Supreme Programmer ended his work which he had made and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made and then the Supreme Programmer called it a night, but before tucking in he first reread Chapter One in his textbook “How to improve Your Grammar In Six Easy Lessons”.

³ And the Supreme Programmer blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it because that in it he had rested from all his bits and bytes programming work which the Supreme Programmer endlessly debugged and made glitch free.

⁴ These are the generations of the virtual heavens and of the simulated Earth when they were created, in the day that the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth and the simulated Heavens. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: grammar still needs working on.]

⁵ And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew, for the Supreme Programmer had not programmed it to rain upon the Earth, and there was not a software-man to till the software-generated ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see, a miracle!]

⁶ But there went up a virtual mist from the virtual earth, and virtually watered the whole face of the ground. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: miracles are good but natural is better.]

⁷ And then the Supreme Programmer formed software-man of the simulated dust of the simulated ground, and breathed into his simulated nostrils the virtual breath of life; and man became a living soul. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: don’t try this at home kids; the best laid plans of simulated mice and software-man can go down the gurgler in untrained paws.]

⁸ And then the Supreme Programmer planted a simulated garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the software-man whom he had programmed on his computer.

⁹ And out of the ground made the Supreme Programmer to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I give up, grammar is just too damn difficult, even for me.]

¹⁰ And a virtual river went out of Eden to water the simulated garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

¹¹ The name of the first is the virtual Pishon: that is it which compassed the whole land of Havilah, where there is simulated fool’s gold. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up to throw future tree-of-knowledge seekers off the scent.]

¹² And the simulated fool’s gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I also invented mineralogy.]

¹³ And the name of the second river is the virtual Gihon: the same is it that compassed the whole land of Ethiopia. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I made this name up too.]

¹⁴ And the name of the third river is the virtual Hiddekel: that is it which goes toward the east of Assyria. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I fibbed; the real name is the Tigris.] And the fourth virtual river is the Euphrates. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one out of four ain’t too bad.]

¹⁵ And then the Supreme Programmer took the software-man, and put him into the simulated Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: since this was before there were trade unions, software-man was my virtual slave on less than minimum wage.]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer commanded the software-man, saying, of every tree of the garden thou may freely eat.

¹⁷ But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shall not eat of it for in the day that thou eat thereof thou shall surely die. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: speak softly but carry a big stick.]

¹⁸ And the Supreme Programmer said it is not good that the software-man should be alone so I will make him a help meet [computer jargon for software-woman] for him.

¹⁹ And out of the ground the Supreme Programmer formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto the software-man who the Supreme Programmer named software-Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever software-Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I changed my previously infallible mind at this point and created software-man before the simulated beasts by overriding my earlier software that I programmed as outlined in Genesis 1. I wouldn’t want to befuddle the great unwashed with contradictions.]

²⁰ And software-Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field; but for software-Adam there was not found a help meet [software-woman] for him.

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer caused a deep sleep to fall upon software-Adam, and he slept: and the Supreme Programmer virtually took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: one could say I practiced medicine without a license, but there were no medical tribunals back when I ruled the roost.]

²² And the rib, which the Supreme Programmer had virtually taken from software-man Adam, made him a software-woman [the help meet], and brought her unto the software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: there’s more but this is a family-friendly, not an x-rated text.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: When you program software, anything goes, even creating man from dust and woman from a rib.]

²³ And software-Adam said this is now a simulated bone of my virtual bones, and simulated flesh of my virtual flesh and she shall be called software-woman, because she was taken out of software-man. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when it comes to logic, Mr. Spock will take lessons from me.]

²⁴ Therefore shall a software-man leave his subroutine-generated software-father and his subroutine-generated software-mother [subroutines which the Supreme Programmer programmed in later as an afterthought], and shall cleave unto his software-wife and they shall be as one software-generated flesh of the simulated kind. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: parenthood doesn’t yet enter into the picture but I thought it a good time to introduce the concept.]

²⁵ And they were both virtually naked, the software-man and his software-wife, and were not ashamed because there were no software glitches to make them so.

[Supreme Programmer’s Final Note: God, are they in for a nasty virtual reality surprise! Virtual Earth and software-humanity have no idea of the programming misery I’m planning to inflict on them. But then I never claimed to be Mr. Nice Guy, just Mr. Infallible, Mr. All-Knowing, and Mr. All-Powerful. But before I get to inflicting all the simulated pain yet to come, it’s time for a martini (or twenty) and then I’ll call it a night.]

THE PROGRAMMABLE END OF THE SIMULATED BEGINNING OF THE VIRTUAL END!

In the Beginning: The Annotated Supreme Programmer: Part One

We’re probably all familiar with the mythology of The Creation as outlined in the Book of Genesis: chapters 1 and 2.  But if you believe in a Simulated Universe relative to a Supernatural Universe, here’s an annotated variation on The Creation theme.

From the King James [Alternate Universe] Version (KJAUV)

Genesis 1

In the beginning the Supreme Programmer programmed software creating the virtual Heaven and the virtual Earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: but wait, there’s more to come!]

² And the virtual Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And so the creativity of the Supreme Programmer moved upon the face of the waters with big plans afoot.

³ And the Supreme Programmer programmed in light and there was light. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I like light. Light is good. Light is, well, enlightening]

⁴ And the Supreme Programmer saw the light, that it was a good light and that there were no software glitches and then the Supreme Programmer divided the light from the darkness. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: that division was a really neat programming trick if I do say so myself.]

⁵ And the Supreme Programmer called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I had a few too many martinis at this juncture and that’s why this reads as pure nonsense – sorry ‘bout that.]

⁷ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see my comment immediately above, but otherwise think of this as a heavenly firmament sandwich with very soggy bread.]

⁸ And the Supreme Programmer called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: the reason for the waters above the Heavenly firmament is so that Heaven will get some April showers.]

⁹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the waters under the heaven to be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear, and it was so and there were no software glitches.

¹⁰ And the Supreme Programmer called the dry land earth; and the gathering together of the waters the Supreme Programmer called the seas: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: due to an oversight on my part, I forgot to mention the third part of the trilogy, the atmosphere – oops – sort ‘bout that.]

¹¹ And the Supreme Programmer programmed the virtual Earth to bring forth virtual reality grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed was of itself, upon the earth: and it was so and there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I invented botany, simulated, of course.]

¹² And the virtual Earth brought forth virtual reality grass and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was within itself, after his kind and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only botany, but masculine botany!]

¹³ And the evening and the morning were the third day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I was pooped – wouldn’t you be?]

¹⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let there be lights in the firmament of the Heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’m just full of neat tricks!]

¹⁵ And let them be for lights in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the virtual Earth and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: not only “let there be light” but “let there be lights”. More is better, don’t you agree?]

¹⁶ And the Supreme Programmer made two great simulated lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: damn I’m good!]

¹⁷ And the Supreme Programmer set them in the firmament of the Heaven to give light upon the Earth.

¹⁸ And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

¹⁹ And the evening and the morning were the fourth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁰ And the Supreme Programmer said let the waters [that were previously gathered together] bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of Heaven. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in case you though my virtual Heaven was way, way, way out there, well even the birds can routinely perch there.]

²¹ And the Supreme Programmer created great whales, and every living creature that moves, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches.

.

²² And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: actually that should read “fowl multiply on or over the earth.]

²³ And the evening and the morning were the fifth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

²⁴ And the Supreme Programmer said, let the virtual Earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping things, and beasts of the earth after his kind and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: in my infinite wisdom I also invented zoology, also simulated, of course, and masculine too – of course.]

²⁵ And the Supreme Programmer made the beast of the Earth after his kind and cattle after their kind, and every thing that crept upon the earth after his kind: and the Supreme Programmer saw that it was good and that there were no software glitches. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I do love to endlessly repeat myself.]

²⁶ And the Supreme Programmer said; let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that crept upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: I’ve invented masculine anthropology.]

[Supplementary Supreme Programmer’s Note: Unfortunately, in my not so infinite wisdom, I now have screwed up, Big Time.]

²⁷ So the Supreme Programmer created a virtual man in his own image, in the image of the Supreme Programmer created he him; male and female created he them, virtually. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: Another round of too many martinis in that I made a virtual man and a virtual him when I should have said I made a virtual man and woman. I also need to improve my grammar. Sorry ‘bout that.]

²⁸ And the Supreme Programmer blessed them, and the Supreme Programmer said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moved upon the earth. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: when I screw up, I really screw up! Well at least I’ll be responsible for giving birth to The Greens!]

²⁹ And the Supreme Programmer said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: what I really mean here is that plants are food for plant eaters which in turn are meat for meat eaters – got that?]

³⁰ And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that crept upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat and it was so. [Supreme Programmer’s Note: see immediately above.]

³¹ And the Supreme Programmer saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good and that there were no software glitches. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day and the Supreme Programmer called it a night.

To be continued…

The AFA Is As Phoney As A Seven Dollar Bill

Let’s start by noting that the name of the organisation is the “American Family Association” (AFA). So, if in all innocence you came across the name, you’d be expecting probably a lobbyist group that lobbies on behalf of health, education, welfare, etc. issues that are of concern to the average American family.  You will not note the word God, Religion, Christianity, Church or any other word normally associated with all things Biblical in the name of the organisation. That’s misleading at best; misrepresentation at worst since in fact they are a 100% Right Wing, even extremist and fundamentalist, Christian organisation.

We note that the word “families” occurs only once in their “Philosophical Statement” and not at all in their “Action Statement” or “Statement of Faith”, whereas there are numerous references to God, Bible, Jesus, etc. So, any rational person must conclude that a more accurate phrase or name for their organisation would be “American Association for God” or “American Bible Association” or “Americans for Jesus Association” or some variation thereof. 

The following trilogy of statements is extracted directly from the AFA website:

AFA PHILOSOPHICAL STATEMENT

 

The American Family Association believes that God has communicated absolute truth to mankind, and that all people are subject to the authority of God’s Word at all times. Therefore AFA believes that a culture based on biblical truth best serves the well-being of our nation and our families, in accordance with the vision of our founding documents; and that personal transformation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the greatest agent of biblical change in any culture.

AFA ACTION STATEMENT

The American Family Association acts to:

(1) restrain evil by exposing the works of darkness;
(2) promote virtue by upholding in culture that which is right, true and good according to Scripture;
(3) convince individuals of sin and challenge them to seek Christ’s grace and forgiveness;
(4) motivate people to take a stand on cultural and moral issues at the local, state and national levels; and
(5) encourage Christians to bear witness to the love of Jesus Christ as they live their lives before the world.

AFA STATEMENT OF FAITH 

1.  We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God.

2.  We believe that there is one God, eternally existent in three persons:  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

3.  We believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of the Father, and in His personal return in power and glory.

4.  We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful people, regeneration by the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential.

5.  We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life.

6.  We believe in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost;  they that are saved unto the resurrection of life and they that are lost unto the resurrection of damnation.

7.  We believe in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now what is wrong with the above bullshit? Firstly, and obviously, they state that there is absolutely no question in their minds that there is a God (their invisible friend, but with friends like God of the Old Testament, who needs enemies). Unfortunately, the AFA provide no evidence for this claim. The exact same must apply to their Lord Jesus Christ. There’s lots of PR and hype – no evidence that the AFA could use in a court of law to so prove his reality. Also we note their trust in the absolute infallible truth of God’s word as related in the Bible (presumable in all editions and versions and languages). Unfortunately, the Bible has been shown to be, by thousands of people, including myself, as fallible as fallible can be. So, their trilogy of God, Jesus and Bible as the be-all-and-end-all of their worldview is okay by me, if they just wouldn’t endlessly ram it down the throats of everyone else. But that’s one philosophy the extreme religious right do not adopt – live and let live. They are peas in a pod with radical Islam in that they need to ram their own narrow Biblical worldview down the throats of others.

They also adopt a similar philosophy when it comes to gay (homosexual/lesbian) relationships, and positively froth at the mouth when it comes to same-sex marriage. I’m sure the extreme religious right wing, of which the AFA is a member in good standing, their members would say that what they do behind closed doors with their wife or husband is none of anybody else’s business, no correspondence need be entered into, yet it’s okay for them to be a sort of ‘Peeping Tom’ and condemn others and the lifestyle of others.  

Their prime spokesman is one Bryan Fischer. If he’s not raving on daily about the evils of homosexuality (one of the many practically frothing at the mouth over the issue), he’s really got it in for U.S. President Obama. I’m well aware that not all Americans like all American presidents all of the time, but Fischer’s public hatred of Obama is pretty much over-the-top, though I suspect that’s partly a cover for his anti-Muslim sentiments.

Here are just a very select few of the Right Wing Watch headlines that accompany stories about Bryan Fischer and the American Family Association he represents.

“Fischer: Obama is an Antichrist’.”

“Fischer: Obama is ‘filled with arrogance’, believes that he knows better than God.”

“Fischer: A full moon is when ‘Satan chooses to activate his influence and control over people’.”

“Fischer: Abortion rights will lead to terrorist attacks.”

“Obama’s Inaugural Address sends Fischer off on another anti-gay rant.”

“Fischer: Obama is trying to make gun owners seem crazy.”

“Fischer says the anti-gay right is tired of getting ‘pushed around’ and ‘backing down’ and vows to push back.”

“Fischer: We are the victims of ‘a new moral McCarthyism’.”

“Fischer: High-capacity magazines necessary to defend yourself from a posse.”

“Fischer: Anti-gay activists are now ‘the new Rosa Parks’ and victims of Jim Crow.”

“Fischer: Natural disasters are God’s spankings.”

“Fischer: Modern assault weapons the same as hunting rifles used in the American Revolution.”

“Fischer: Fiscal Cliff legislation is ‘demonic’.”

“Fischer: Sandy Hook shooting proof that America’s ‘moral capital’ has run out.”

“Fischer: God didn’t stop CT [Connecticut] school shooting because he’s a ‘gentlemen’ who doesn’t go where he’s not wanted.”

“‘Barack the destroyer’: Bryan Fischer’s grand unified theory on Obama.”

“Fischer and Beisner say that not using fossil fuels is an insult to God.”

“Fischer: Obama is intentionally trying to keep ‘as many Americans as poor as possible’.”

“Fischer: Only eyewitness testimony can determine the age of the Earth.”

“Fischer: The 9/11 terrorists were ‘agents of God’s wrath’.”

“Fischer: Obama ‘may in fact be a closeted Muslim’.”

“Fischer: If Obama is re-elected, ‘America has no future’.”

“Fischer: I am a ‘prophetic voice’ warning against the gay agenda.” 

“Fischer: The UN is ‘deliberately seeding’ Muslims throughout the southern United States.”

“Fischer: CNN is ‘what the Gay Gestapo looks like in action’.”

“Fischer: ‘Political leadership ought to be reserved for the hands of males’.”

“Fischer: ‘We cannot give one millimetre to the forces of homosexual activism’.”

“Bryan Fischer is looking at the bright side of slavery.”

“Fischer: Liberals can’t be reasoned with, they can only be defeated.” 

“Fischer warns the ‘homosexual lobby’ will soon allow celebrations of incest, paedophilia, and bestiality.”

“Fischer demands mass public executions in response to Libya attack.”

“Fischer: We want to take America back to the Book of Genesis.”

“Fischer brings on guest to explain ‘it really all stands to reason’ that few women get pregnant from rape.”

“Bryan Fischer: Todd Akin is ‘absolutely right’ [that ‘legitimate rape’ rarely results in pregnancy].”

“Fischer and Beisner praise [Paul] Ryan’s ‘Biblical view of the environment’.”

“Fischer says ex-gay mom had an obligation to God to kidnap her daughter and flee.”

“Fischer: Obama’s re-election will lead to ‘serious talk about secession’.” 

“Fischer: ‘Muslim’s are worshiping a demon’.”

“Fischer: Removal of prayer & Ten Commandments from schools responsible for CO [Colorado] shooting.”

“Fischer: It was Liberals who opposed the fight for civil rights.”

“Fischer: Obama like a ‘street thug’ who is destroying America just for the pleasure of it.”

“Fischer: Gay biological parents should be denied custody and only allowed supervised visits.”

“Fischer: Jesus’ teaching is ‘virtually the foundation of the Second Amendment’ [right to bare arms].”

“Fischer: Gays are driven by a ‘dark, venomous, demonic hatred’.” 

“Fischer: Government should mandate that everyone attend church and tax those who don’t.”

“Fischer rewrites American history so it corresponds to the Bible.”

“Fischer: Gay marriage leads to sex with animals.”

“Fischer: Liberals have been duped by Satan.”

“Fischer: Abortion, gay rights & environmentalism are the work of Satan himself.”

I’ve only highlighted a relative few of Fisher’s recent headlines, and the above only extends back to mid-2012! So, this is just the very, very tip of the Fischer iceberg. His headline rants as documented by the Right Wing Watch (People for the American Way) extend back to 2009, and that’s way in excess of a five-fold increase on the above. But you probably get the idea by now.  

In conclusion, we note from these headlines that the rants and ravings of Bryan Fischer, and of the American Family Association, have relatively little to do with the health, education and welfare of the family unit, and everything to do with promoting their own extreme Christian agenda, especially an anti-gay and anti-Obama (translated, an anti-Muslim) agenda. Fischer will spew forth hatred with a vengeance, yet he calls himself a Christian. Go figure.